Mirski,
Are you asking for advice? empathy? just a place for us to listen?
I am curious about what has changed in your life for all those things you listed to happen.
Was this all at once, i.e. personality, girl, fear, etc. or was this over a period of time?
What was your life like before those things happen?
How old are you and your life circumstances (living at home with family, on your own, … )?
What do you want from us? For yourself?
Mark