Eric,

I appreciate your directness and blunt self appraisal. Its great that you’re staring into the face of the inner Eric beastly side, and I’m sorry that its been so painful. I doubt the therapy or the wife is the source of the painfulness, and I like how you said therapy “opened you up”. Men tend to bottle up their stress, and when the cork comes out, there is a spilling of pick and grime that was inside the whole time, it just wasn’t noticed.

There are a few practices which can help rid the body of the old gook without projecting it onto your wife or kids. The first is for the acute emotions, and is a zen trick. We can notice the boiling, churning inside, and instead of spewing it or swallowing it, we go into the bedroom, bury our face in a pillow and scream. Then flip over and flail your arms and legs, stand up and jump up and down, shaking our body. Get the energy moving again, so you’re not wound so tight. It may seem silly, but it works.

For the chronic aspect of your experience, you can begin self nurturing. Take some walks for yourself, by yourself in pleasant environments, meditate, eat healthy, spend time on your hobbies… find the kid Eric inside and be kind, gentle and nourishing to him. This helps open up the space around the fears, so they don’t grab at you so much.

One nurturing activity that I’ve used with great success is metta meditation. When we sincerely wish for the growth and success of others, the mind becomes peaceful, awake, smooth. Consider the following:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5M1hP4RfS-c

It is difficult at first, but gets easier with practice. It natural to first start metta practice with a closed heart, clenched teeth, but we keep at it. What it does is shift the subconscious, which is where the feelings come from. So first we say the words with as much sincerity as we can (even through gritted teeth), then we begin to think the thoughts frequently naturally, and the feelings follow, fears and jealousy untangling. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt