Happy New Year!

I will try and condense this story as much as possible. I have been holding in so much anger with this friend and situation and I just realized it has been two years today. Nothing has been making me feel better so I thought I would write here for perspective. This situation makes me feel anger and also makes me feel emotions and do actions that are totally unlike myself.

Okay to the situation.

My husband has a very tight knit group of 5 guy friends who I have put a lot of effort to get to know and arrange visits. We all lived in different states over the years, and we dated 5 years before we got married.

Two years ago, one of his friends came to our house in Chicago . This one friend particular I will call Matt I was extremely close to. He would visit about every month and he and I always got along great. During this visit, my childhood friend happened to be home visiting and I invited her to come out with us for the weekend. This childhood friend I will call Cassie. Background about Cassie and I, very close friends throughout childhood… had a stage or two in middle school when we were not as close due to a group of 9 girls going thru puberty together. But ever since high school, Cassie and I always stayed close. We would not necessarily go out every weekend together- I had a boyfriend and two other friend groups but her and I always drove to school everyday and we were the friends that could call one another and nothing would change. This remained true all through college as well. After college Cassie moved to out of state and kind of disappeared from our friend group. It was hurtful to myself and another girl from the group because we felt like she never ever reached out and just dropped of the face of the earth. During this point we were in our early 20s I was starting my career out of state and moved in with my now husband but then boyfriend. So yes it did bother me but I had my own life and my world was expanding so the sting became less. Cassie then moved to the same state where my husband and I were living. This happened to happen right when we moved back to my childhood city to grow our permanent roots. However during this time I had summers off since I was a teacher so I would see her often before I moved and she spent a lot of time at home since she was closer so we would talk more and hang out more. I loved it. I also got engaged during this time and she was in my wedding and was around to help with details.

So this night out they ended up hitting it off, Cassie and Matt. Matt had just started a new job and it was relevant to Cassie’s field and I did say oh you guys should chat. Other than that they didn’t even chat much that night. Fast forward three weeks later, that childhood friend group is in Hawaii together and Cassie tells me she has been talking to Matt everyday and they are going on dates. I’m surprised but so excited. What better than our two best friends dating just as we were planning our wedding? Well it didn’t become so happy.

I assumed we would be this four some. I assumed wrong, Cassie and Matt stopped talking to me. Then when they would talk to me, they would upset me with what they said from the beginning. For instance since Matt and I were super close I would always pick out his type at the bar and he told Cassie I did that the night we met (which I did) Cassie said she didn’t care but then texted me this long this asking if I did that? She said ya he said you guys always played that game and I didn’t care but you also said we would get along great. I felt terrible I did do both those things but they weren’t even talking that night so I didn’t know they were truly interested. I just got oh you guys have the same job and Matt is supposed to be moving here so you guys should date. Then once when my girlfriends were all hanging out my fiancé and I were chatting about something I don’t even remember what , nothing important neither an argument either and she goes omg can’t wait to text Matt about this! I go text Matt about what? She is like we just always laugh at you and Patrick and how you guys communicate, I’m just so happy you guys do yoga together. Legit have no idea what to even make of that. I hate active things like sports but am a thin person, and my husband loves sports and I respect that and he is thin too. We are thinner than them two, so I don’t think they were talking about our bodies but also okay I don’t like sports? And communication? I have never heard anyone say anything negative about our relationship, granted someone probably wouldn’t to my face. But just to give you background my family still Awwws over my husband and I together, same with his family so we are well accepted. It just felt like they would talk about us but then tell me? Idk it was weird from the start and I’m pretty sensitive. But I pushed it aside and I tried to arrange date times with them. And those weren’t fun at all. It was like we were an audience on their date. They never talked to us and were just all about each other. They were long distance so we again wrote it off as they just miss one another.

Then the big thing happened. During our wedding I told two girlfriends they could stay at our apartment and have a girls night. Cassie was one of them. When she started dating Matt I asked multiple times if she wanted out and I was going to ask another girlfriend to stay there instead. I mean multiple times and I explicitly said Matt can’t stay there too. I have a girlfriend from college staying there who I felt bad having to pay for  two nights in a hotel by herself. But she does not want to stay there with a couple lol. The day of our rehearsal dinner, two hours before mind you I get a text from one of my husbands friends asking if him and his girlfriend could stay at our house instead of their arrangements. I said oh no sorry it’s a girls night there and he goes oh okay I heard Matt was staying there so I didn’t know that. I called Cassie to get the scoop, who was late to our rehearsal. She said Matt never made arrangements and she was going to reach out to that girlfriend who is staying with me to ask if that was okay. I was furious. More background Cassie has extreme anxiety infringing on her social life so I was disappointed that she would suggest such a thing because 1) we talked about it and I said no 2) she went behind my back and did it anyways 3) she would have never wanted to do that if she was my girlfriend staying there. She would not have been able to handle the shift in the plans. A downfall of mine is I don’t want anyone to be mad at me so after I talked to my girlfriend who was staying there who was already privy to this dynamic she said it’s fine of course I said they all could stay over but she got the bedroom. I was pissed but it was my rehearsal dinner and I wanted to just have a great time. My maid of honor stepped it up and asked my girlfriend to stay with her which she gladly accepted. I love her. Matt and Cassie were also the only ones who didn’t speak at our rehearsal which was super weird. I take that back two others didn’t on my side. One being who is in the group with Cassie, many did joint speeches and that could have been an option. Cassie sat across from me at the rehearsal and just had her head down as her and my other girlfriend discussed how nervous they were about speaking like okay I get it but I’m right here. Luckily we had the most beautiful speeches from 10 other members of our bridal parties and families so again I let it go.

It’s been two years since they have dated and nothing has changed. When I hear there names I feel anger all over me. I reached out to them both asking when they come home for the holidays let us know because we were be in Peru and would love to see them before we leave. She never did, I got together with my other girlfriends from that group and they said she was in town. I didn’t care to reach our. I purposefully don’t anymore. I found out they were both uprooting their life and moving across the country together thru a friend on my husbands side. When I confronted Cassie about it she was just like sorry and then said there was no way I heard it that early from a friend that it wasn’t even decided yet. I legit pulled out the text, like I’m not lying? Lol.

My husband is the most chill person I know. And I feel selfish with all this anger towards these two. I know eventually when we get together whole group it will show. I also am nervous because Cassie was my best friend for so long so I confided a lot in her and she probably told Matt everything I said, probably bad stuff too so maybe Matt hates me that’s why he never reaches out. They hang often with this girl who has always rubbed me the wrong way and I have expressed that to Cassie and in other conversations with Matt he told me he doesn’t like her, I never agreed but now they are her best friends.

This is is so long. Thank you for reading, any advice would be great. I am genuinely a very forgiving and happy person but the sound of their names make me so angry and I find myself blaming them for shifting the group and my life.