Children of divorced parents that remarried

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    Are any of you the children of divorced parents who subsequently remarried? I left my children’s father when the kids were 12 and 14 and have since remarried. The ex has not. Both my current husband and myself came from intact families, so I have no personal knowledge of what/how my kids are thinking.

    The kids are now 15 and 17 years old. They both live with their father because they get away with more there. My questions are these….

    Did any of you dislike (or even hate) your parent’s new partner at that age? If so, did you ever get over it and be able to have some kind of cordial relationship with the new partner? How old were you when that happened?

    I fear my kids will always feel negatively towards my new husband. My son and second husband had an incident that set up extreme distaste (hate, according to my son) for my husband. I fear my son will not be able to forgive or make peace with this.

    This is probably a bit disjointed and not portraying a full picture. If there are answers to questions that will help clarify, please ask away!!

    I appreciate anyone’s willingness to share and perhaps provide me with some insight I don’t currently have.

    B and E’s Mom


    Dear B and E’s Mom:

    My father remarried. He left “home” when I was too young to remember him being there except for one incident and it wasn’t a pleasant one. I didn’t hate his next wife. She was quite nice to me, never mistreated me or kept me out of their apartment when I visited or stayed for a few days (I never lived with them).

    I do have experience with “extreme distaste (hate” though and it doesn’t go away by itself. It is not much different from hating a particular food as a child- you keep hating it into adulthood. It is an automatic reaction.

    Willingness on both parties to attend psychotherapy together can make the change, but without that, just letting time pass by, or not addressing the issue thoroughly, I don’t see much hope for a spontaneous change.


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