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Chronic Pain and Misery Struggling to Survive

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  • #368395
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Trying hard to be strong but I don’t know how I will survive. My fiance and I have been running our own business for the past couple years. The work can be challenging (we are construction contractors) both physically and mentally. I suffer from chronic back pain caused by badly degenerated discs in my spine (arthritis) and struggle with anxiety and depression when I feel I am not strong or competent enough to complete tasks. I feel that no matter how hard I work that I am just not cut out for this.

    My partner, who I love dearly, and I now frequently fight over money and control of the business. We work nearly every day, sometimes very long hours, and continue to struggle financially. The stress is overwhelming as we both desperately want a break and a chance to spend time together as a couple and not business partners at odds with one another. The break never comes… The bills never stop.

    We were dealt another blow when my partner badly injured his knee. He is in terrible pain and requires a costly surgery. I want to do everything I can to help and I try but I am struggling. I don’t know how I will handle all the physical work and household chores while he recovers. Trying more than ever to ignore my pain and sadness but in reality I just want to sleep all the time. I’m so tired.

    I have no one to talk to (no really close friends or family) and usually every conversation with my partner ends in a fight or just unresolved issues that get ignored. I feel I am in a pit of despair sometimes. How will I survive?

     

    #368454
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Keymaker:

    You share that you suffer from arthritis, “badly degenerated discs” in your spine, and a resulting chronic back pain. And from anxiety and depression when you feel that you are “not strong or competent enough to complete tasks”.  You have been running a business as a construction contractor which “can be challenging.. both physically and mentally… work nearly every day, sometimes very long hours”.

    You are running this business with your fiancé for the last two years, the two of you experience overwhelming stress, “fight over money and control of the business”, but “continue to struggle financially.. The bills never stop”.

    Recently, your fiancé badly injured his knee and needs a costly surgery. You are worried: “how I will handle all the physical work and household chores while he recovers” as you are “Trying more than ever to ignore my pain and sadness.. so tired.. How will I survive?”

    My suggestion is that you do not ignore your pain and sadness, that you exit this line of work, and attend to your physical and mental health. Considering your arthritis, an incurable disease that can at best be managed, I don’t think that you should work physically hard, or for many hours per day. Transition to a different line of work that will be congruent with best management of your arthritis, your physical and mental health. A job that is physically easier will also be mentally easier for you.

    I think that attending to your physical and mental health should be your highest priority and that your partner (who at this point, reads more like a business partner who is at odds with you) should respect what should be your highest priority- “to survive”, to attend to your own health and overall well-being.

    “I have no one to talk to”- you are welcome to talk to me here, anytime.

    anita

     

     

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