I’ve been wanting to talk about this for a long time. To make a very long story super short, a few years back
I was bullied badly by a girl to the point where my personal boundaries were horribly violated and I lost my freedom, grades, physical
and emotional health. Fast forward to today, I have healed significantly but there are somethings that are not letting me gain closure and move on.

During the healing process, I realized that there was a moment when I wanted to see where I stood in my class and
checked out the grades of my few of my classmates, including the bully, without anyone’s knowledge. I did this because the
environment was academically super competitive, I was battling my own insecurities and wanted to know my position in my class. This was the first and last time I ever violated someone’s personal space. However, I have a lot of complicated feelings around this.

1. I feel that I am no different than my bully as I also violated others personal space. Of course, my intention
was not to hurt anyone nor was anyone harmed in the process but I feel that I deserved all the bullying because of
that bad act of mine.

2. The bully tried turning people against me, but no one gave any importance to her as she had hurt others as well.
Of course, the blame was immediately put upon me. Now, I feel bad that no one supported her because she is no different
than me and I deserve lot more crap for my mistake.

Am I being too hard on myself?
Are these kind of thoughts due to my low self esteem?
How do I let go of the guilt?

Thanks so much for reading.