Dear evasoul:

I don’t see the downside of moving on and placing the other office employees and dynamics in your past. I like the idea that you turn your back (on those who already turned their backs on you) and move forward. You can’t make everyone happy with you, all pleased with you, it is neither possible nor is it a healthy aim to target. If you aim at pleasing everyone in the company (and otherwise in your life), you will dig a hole for yourself where you will be stuck.

And since you don’t like to be stuck (the rut you mentioned in the beginning of your post), then I feel that what you called “silence” and moving on is your best option.

anita

Dear evasoul:

Is your comment about holding grudges and forgiving people, is that comment meant for me? If so, i did not write about these things in the post right above yours.

anita

Dear evasoul:

I understand. Well, if you are silent to those people (who gossiped about you and I believe you referred to them as “toxic”) – and you already forgave them, no longer holding a grudge, then you can smile to them when you see them, ask: “How are you?” Say “have a nice day” or “enjoy your lunch!” and such. Just don’t get into conversations with them. Simple, short pleasantries with a genuine smile (for the good times you had with them way earlier) will do, don’t you think?

anita

Dear evasoul:

I would recommend, if you feel strong enough (and I hope you do, and that if you don’t that you will feel stronger) that you will not avoid eye contact with anyone at work. This suggests you are afraid or feel guilty and those messages will not help you, for sure. So, look each person in the eye and since you are not angry at anyone (?) then smile and your smile will be authentic, won’t it?

anita

Dear evasoul:

This is an opportunity for you to practice being assertive. You need to get skillful about being assertive as it is a very important skill to help you in the work place and everywhere else. In this case, learn to look these people in the eye, say your pleasantries and NOT be sucked into conversations. You decide; you don’t let them decide. It is up to you how much you talk with them and it is up to you to say: “I need to go now”. It is not – or should not- be up to them how much you talk to them.

anita

Dear evasoul:

I agree with you keeping a distance. What I am suggesting is that you don’t need to feel or express feeling scared of them or guilty about keeping your distance.

anita

Dear evasoul:

keeping it short is a good idea. Look up material on assertiveness, is my suggestion. Learn and improve this most important skill. It is not going to be easy to learn and practice at first, but once you practice, it will do wonders to your quality of life.

anita

Dear evasoul:

You are welcome. Do post again in a few days or so when you practiced some assertiveness and would like my input about it.

anita