Hi Anita, thank you. I’m just lost at the moment and coming to terms with everything. I’m moving back home to be with my family and friends, I also had to becdause I gave up everything. In my late teens to early twenties I’ve always measured my happiness being based on if I was with any one. I’m only 24, so I am young I just worry that I won’t be able to find anymore else. To be honest I have always had self confidence and self worth issues, so I think that is why I worry. However, since this happened I have taken up meditation. I don’t miss him at all, I just miss what was there. And I need to understand that I need to put my happiness first, and that being single does not mean to be alone or to be lonely. I just have to learn to be happy within my skin and being happy by myself.

Hi Anita, thank you. I know it’s only been a week since it’s happened, but I am finding it very hard to deal with it all today. I’m just so sad. Everyone is telling me that it was for the best, and why I shouldn’t be with someone like that. As I have seen his true colours and for him behaving the way he did. I understand that I will be better off in the long run. However I just keep thinking about everything that happened to me. I’m finding it hard to be alone again, I don’t miss him I just miss the idea of him. I just have to think of all the times he put me down to feel better about himself. And for when he made me feel bad , when he was feeling negative himself. This year I was so confident and I feel like he has changed that in a blink of an eye . At least I am going back home to an amazing network of loving friends and family. Who I have a strong and close relationship with.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 2 months ago by Emma.

Hi Anita, I am now back in Australia. I’m still sad as we were meant to be together, however I need to think of all the positive things I have. Now that I have time to reflect over our relationship, I realised that I wasn’t happy. He couldn’t handle drinking , so nearly everytime we went out he either blacked out, passed out, ran away from me or ignored me. This had ruined countless nights out and  I would be in the bathroom crying. Which is not healthy. I would tell him in the morning but he wouldn’t remember. He would say sorry but would laugh about it, and because he didn’t remember the cycle would continue. It was even worse if he went out without me, as several times he had passed out on the public transport so I would worry about that, and someone would have to take care of him. I also never trusted him as before we were together he would hook up with people and not remember, so I thought he could of done that. He said he would never do that but he ended up cheating on me anyway, I kind of knew that he eventually would, which is weird. Because of having to deal with that, looking back on it I developed anxiety and got nervous going out, and didn’t want to socialise. Even if it wasn’t going out with him. I felt myself changing as I used to not be like that. But even now i keep getting nervous – I am going to see a counsellor about it. Since being single, I have gone out and had the best time, it was like a weight had been lifted off me. I didn’t Realise how much it has affected me. When we first got together, he was so nice to me and thought the world of me. However as the relationship progressed he would put me down, and make me feel worthless. I never stood up for myself, and if I did I would cry. When I would cry he would just ask me if I was crying, if I left the room to get away he would follow me and force me to look into his eyes to see if I was crying. So I learnt to lie or to stop crying, and he wouldn’t really apologise. He was emotionally manipulative and emotionally abusive and would make me feel bad if he wasn’t happy. I didn’t realise how bad it was as I was trying to just look at the positives, and thought that it would be better in Australia as he would be happy there. However, it just would of got worse. I didn’t realise that he put me down so much, but when we broke up my housemate said that she noticed that he would put me down a lot, would shut down my ideas and would tell me what to do. Her friend was staying with us for a couple of days two months ago, and when he found out we broke up he said that he thought it would probably happen as he had seen my ex’s behaviour towards me. I feel ashamed that I didn’t realise it was that bad, for other people to of noticed it. Throughout the relationship I did want to break up, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and didn’t have enough self worth to leave. I used to suffer from an eating disorder during high school, and my ex would comment on my eating habits , which he said was a joke. One day he took a picture of me and wrote that I was a pig because I had eaten a lot, and sent that to his friends. It was a joke but I said it made me feel uncomfortable as I used to have an eating disorder, and he either didn’t understand or apologise. I am a tiny person so I know that I’m not big. However the same night in bed he pulled my stomach skin and said I had eaten a lot, he said it was a joke as well, but it made me upset obviously. I don’t think he ever really cared about my feelings. I have trouble expressing myself and seem to cry instead of talking, so I need to work on that. I think I also need to work on setting up boundaries. As he would make me feel bad when I cried. So I’m glad that I’m not with him anymore as looking back it was a toxic situation. I just don’t think I would of left. We were only together for over a year, and that should be your honey moon period. There were good times but that was mainly when he was travelling or when we were away, as he was happy then.

Hi Anita,

Thank you. You hit the nail on the head by saying his is impulsive. No he will never contact me again asking to be in a relationship with me. We live in different states, so I’ll never see him and I blocked and deleted him from all social media, so he can’t contact me. He has my email address but he wouldn’t email me. I also made it clear to him to never contact me. He also made it clear on his part that he would never ever want to be with me. He said to me that he would never want to be with me, just saw me as a friend, he doesn’t love/like me, and if we tried he would just like someone else like he liked that other girl. That might of be his impulse talking, but he hurt me too much to even consider it. To be honest there is a part of me hoping that he will send me an email saying how much he regrets what he has done. I just need to keep thinking that it is for best, which it is as it forces me to work on my mental health. And I can’t be dealing with a lifetime of his impulsive nature. Also I don’t think he realises that he deserves that. I just think that when everything settled that he will realise what he has done, and he will be depressed because he realises what he has lost. But if he hadn’t done that to me then, I’m sure it would of got progressively worse.

Hi Anita,

Thanks. I found out he moved back to Australia last week. So not really sure why he did all of that, but your right it was irrational and it was his impulsive thinking. Maybe that’s why he didn’t sit me down and talk to me about it, as we could of worked things about. But we couldn’t of worked it out, as he is going to be impulsive for the rest of his life until he seeks help.