Confused about which direction to take

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Cara 1 year ago.

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    I feel very confused all the time about the life choice I have made and choices that I know I need to make now. I moved to another country 1 year ago with my partner, and in this time I have come to realise that I am not happy here. I feel that my options are limited in terms of career prospects, there are many things I would like to do but I always come up against a barrier- mainly in that what I want to do takes time, and I know that I do not want to carry my chosen profession on in another country. If I commit to further education and then work experience where I am currently it will be at least 3 years that I am here.

    This is conflicting with what I know my partner needs/wants. I know that this is exactly the place that he will be successful in his dreams, I can see how well he will do here and I am completely behind him on this. But he will not leave, and I would never ask him to, so I can't do the thing I know in my heart I want to do, for fear of leaving the one man I know is a really decent human being. He knows what I feel about being here and he knows I'm unhappy, he does everythig he can to try to help me, but he doesn't understand that I know deep down this isn't the place for me.

    We have been through so much together, and I do have the courage to do what I feel I should do, however I'm terrified that if I do that, I will be leaving someone I will regret leaving and never get back. I feel totally torn in two, and very confused and I am constantly trying to think of other professions and career paths I could go down in this country/even another country that is a compramise, but I still know they are not right for me. On the other hand, what if I'm wrong about this profession I have my heart set on, what if I start and realise Ive made a huge mistake and our relationship has already ended.

    I am also 30 this year, and feel tonnes of pressure to have children in the next few years, and i really do want children, but Im terrified that if I keep changing my mind about life then I will miss my chance. I have noticed that other people are much more decisive then I am and appear to be more sucessful in their life choices.

    To be honest, I dont expect many solid answers to this, but it would be great to hear others experience of similar situations. Thanks for reading.



    Dear Cara:

    I hope you gain clarity soon.

    I wonder if that barrier you mentioned (“mainly in that what I want to do takes time”), if that exists in your home country as well?

    Can you elaborate on “deep down this (current country you live in) isn’t the place for me”?




    Hi Anita,

    Thanks so much for your comment. Yes, it will take time back home also, however I won't mind being back there so the time doesn't matter so much. When I moved to this country it was a big step and I know many people thought we were doing this great thing in our lives, and so did we. I am pleased to have had this experience and very grateful that I have the opportunity in my life as so many others don't get that, however my main issue I guess in a nutshell, is that my partner wants to stay, and I don't. Which is why when I say deep down I don't want to be here, as it's hard to be 100% honest about the fact that I know I have to leave and potentially leave my partner here. I guess Im stuck as I dont know if I should leave and potentially lose everything we have built together- I just wondered if others had similar experiences and what the outcome was- thanks

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