September 21, 2013 at 9:56 am #42554JamieParticipant
It has been a couple months since I posted on here as I have been going through my changes to be a better me. A couple of situations have arrived and I need some solid advice. First of all, my ex and I broke up 5 months ago and it was the biggest struggle I’ve had to face and in time I have grown to accept it and heal in my own way. About two months ago I went down with the police escort to get my dog, Slayer (per my exes request if I wanted the dog to bring the police) because I wanted a companion and to not feel completely alone. I soon after felt guilty for taking the dog away from my ex who grew attached. I was told not to take him back and that it had been done. I didn’t listen and I took Slayer back because I felt so guilty and just wanted my ex to be happy. I received an email from my ex yesterday saying that he was possibly going to move into a new home on Oct 1st and couldn’t have a pet with him. He said I had first dibs on Slayer. Of course I replied back with I would love to have him back and I’m sorry to hear you no longer want Slayer to which he got defensive and said I didn’t say I didn’t want him anymore. I said I couldn’t keep him. I didn’t reply because I wasn’t trying to start a fight, but I mean if you really wanted the dog wouldn’t you find somewhere you could have him? So to me you don’t. Anyway, here is my issue. My ex ran my name through the mud. Posted terrible things online to his social media sites and of course all the friends and people ripped me apart when I took Slayer and just about the whole break up in general and I kept very mum about it because it wasn’t the worlds business to know. I took Slayer back to him because in my heart it felt like the right thing to do. Now two months later he can’t have Slayer anymore and offered me to take him back. I don’t know really if I should take him back. After everything that happened and what was said about me. I know what others say about you is none of your business, but it was hurtful. If I took Slayer back I don’t know if I would feel guilt again and I would love him back but I just don’t think it would be the same and I don’t want those memories lingering around. Would I have those feelings really or am I just thinking too much about those things? It also is frustrating being put through all of that to be freely given the dog back. Like none of that happened. Second, I met someone new. He is so wonderful and sweet, but I just don’t know if I am completely ready. I am so much better off than I have been in years. I’m trying new things. I’m going back to school. I’m doing so many great things and I am happy. Sometimes I have to fake it, but that negative mindset that bitterness and anger I had for so many years because of people hurting me and me allowing it. They are fading and I have learned to forgive and forgive and I am still learning to forgive myself. Of course I have my moments when I cry and miss my ex but it doesn’t hurt as much as it did months ago. I feel like right now I don’t want the title of a relationship and maybe it is moving too fast. How do I suggest pumping the brakes in a subtle kind way without hurting him? Maybe I am scared too because do I really deserve to be this happy? I feel like I’m doing something wrong. If anything needs to be cleared up here please let me know, but I would really love some advice and help in this matter. Thank you! 🙂September 22, 2013 at 6:25 am #42575MattParticipant
I’m sorry for the confusion and spinning, and know how disorienting the chaos of shifting experiences can become. What I see woman building her character, and doing it well. Its OK to be confused, that is natural and normal. Rather than assume you know or acting out of habit, you are taking the time to look deeply and attempting to act wisely. That’s awesome! A few things came to heart as I read your words.
Rather than a waste of time and effort with Slayer, consider that you followed your heart at each stage. In the adopting, the retrieving from the ex, in the returning to the ex. You really tried to follow your heart, and look for Slayer’s interests meeting your own. And now, you have the chance to keep him/her… without strings or conflict. How wonderful is that? The rest is wind in the trees. Let his social networking be tainted with his own negative energy, that’s between him, his karma, and anyone that chooses to believe delusion. You followed your heart, and what else could you do?
As for the new person, it is between you, your heart, him and his heart. Don’t pay attention to conventions or expectations, just follow your tender desires and ask him for his. If you need space or time to go slow, do it. Just don’t hide or cower, let him know… you have the right and responsibility to do what your heart tells you, and he has the responsibility to respect it. If you want to go fast, go fast. Just be tender, honest, open, and communicate. That is the basis of all intimacy, at whatever speed of growth you feel comfortable. Namaste.