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- This topic has 35 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 8 months ago by ben.
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February 9, 2018 at 4:54 am #191589AnonymousGuest
Dear Ben:
Working forty hours a week in “a toxic office environment” is definitely not congruent with healing. So I hope you do heal, taking time off, enjoying the benefits available for you. Maybe attending quality psychotherapy, if possible for you.
anita
February 14, 2018 at 9:35 am #192477benParticipantThanks Anita
The emotions I’m dealing with now are anger and pain relating to the relationship with my parents. I have had a few girlfriends who have been supportive over the years but I guess the pain of this emotionally abusive set up I have whilst living at home is causing me suffering. The energy in the household is unbearable and I feel is actually making me physically sick.
I have such limited control over my life because I feel dependent on their love at the moment. I know once I surpass this then I will be confident in confronting the emotionally abusive relationship they have but until then I’m going to show myself up.
I feel like I have been grieving their deaths of sorts but how do I move on?
Best wishes,
Ben
February 14, 2018 at 10:01 am #192483AnonymousGuestDear Ben:
I would like to understand. You wrote that you dealing with “anger and pain relating to the relationship with (your) parents”. You also mentioned “this emotionally abusive set up”- you mean at home, with your parents, correct?
But then you wrote that you “feel dependent on their love at the moment”- do you mean that you feel dependent on the love of your abusive parents, the ones causing you anger and pain?
anita
February 14, 2018 at 10:08 am #192487benParticipantHi
So yes, their relationship is emotionally abusive, my dad manipulates my mum into doing everything for him and manipulating her love for him. Which makes me feel sick.
Then they are emotionally abusive to me also (especially my mum), so as part of the family unit as I think I mentioned prior I feel scapegoated as my feelings are not listened to, cared for or anything. This makes me feel like I have no support and have kind of lost and had my mum caring for me over the years.
Yes, not as much as I used to, in fact now you ask the question, barely at all I feel. I can be alone just fine, but I am financially dependent on them at the moment. They are bringing in the financial dependency into the relationship dynamic which again is emotional abuse to me. I feel numb writing this to be honest. More like I’m writing it about someone else.
Best wishes
Ben
February 14, 2018 at 10:23 am #192495AnonymousGuestDear Ben:
You mentioned “numb”. When I lived with my emotionally abusive mother I felt as numb as was possible for me. I aimed at numb. Unfortunately for me, I often felt distressed, anxious and angry. Numb was a good break, not to mention daydreaming about a different kind of life.
If you would like to share more about your home life as it is now, please do and I will respond.
anita
February 26, 2018 at 5:15 am #194737benParticipantHi VJ,
Thanks a lot for your in-depth response. I have always been meaning to respond to you with a proper resonse once I’ve taken on board what you’ve said.
I’ve spent a lot of time feeling and being with the inner body and I am physically in discomfort and have been for a while. I guess it is the emotional distress I have been through over the last several years…? The physical discomfort also exists in my brain, it feels like frustration at not knowing and being unable to feel peace or inner calmness. But the pain is physical.
Do you know how I can relieve myself of this? I suffer from chronic fatigue/exhaustion almost constantly, only now am I becoming aware of just how exhausted I am/have been.
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