Dear anita.

Again, sorry I’m not clear with my writing.

And thank you for being part of the thread. I know a 39 year age gap is concerning. Yes, there’s something wrong with a man older enough to be a grandfather sleeping with a woman young enough to be his granddaughter. It’s sick. It’s wrong. But the idea of something “wrong” is kind of hot. To do something/be with someone that is taboo/forbidden is kind of a turn on.

And best wishes to you on your life path. Wherever it leads you.

Suzanne.

Dear anita.

Thank you for opening up about your past experiences. Just hearing about it, you wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Hopefully time has allowed the healing process to be more effective. It feels wrong to be attracted to older men. But it still feels so… irresistible. I can’t help it. It would hurt to be taken advantage of. To feel scars no one can see. Consider it a cautionary tale. And hopefully karma will work its magic on those who harm innocent people.

One step at a time, these “daddy issues” will melt away some day. And we’ll tackle the “real issues” together. (Is it only codependency or is it more than that? 🤷‍♀️)

Suzanne.

Hello Rose of Yellow.

Please take your time with your posts on Tiny Buddha. Your home life should be your #1 priority. On that note, thanks for taking the time out to answer the post. It means a lot. Reading “Codependency for Dummies” right now. It’s EXTREMELY helpful. Actually helped answer a lot of the questions in my head. Can’t wait to read the Melody Beatty book.

What you rattled off the top of your head are the reasons we want validation and control. Trust me, I’m no exception (ha ha). Yes, there are definitely things we can control within our world. But it is most certainly naive to think we can do the same with people and the rest of the world. In a self help book, someone said something like, “fix yourself before you fix the world.” Just trying not to throw stones in my glass house (ha ha). Please don’t feel discouraged. The path to self growth seems so exciting. ☺️

Trying to let go of all of life’s hang ups. So what is this “Serenity Prayer” you mention of? Seems really hippy dippy, in all honesty (ha ha). That’s cool, though. Do pretty much anything to reach “radical acceptance.” My mantra from now on will be: focus on what you can control, not what you can’t. And a friend of Eckart Tolle is a friend of mine (ha ha) 😆. To be honest, anything from him is a gift from the gods. No wonder Oprah loves him so much!

The quote sounds like what every spiritual guru talks about when being “present.” To be honest, being in the “here and now” is one of the most daunting things a person can do! Like everything in life, it’s certainly easier said than done. Still yet to accept that the only thing that can be changed is ourselves. On another topic, that’s awesome CODA’s now doing zoom classes! Do you have to pay/subscribe/sign up to anything?

You have every right to feel hesitant about my “ideal relationship”. Then again, anything considered “ideal” does stem from irrationality and/or delusion. And yes, no partner can be perfect all the time. Maybe I’ve got to lower my expectations? 😂So a fantasy is fine as long as it’s in our heads. So where do we draw the line between fantasy and having standards for a partner? So I’ll have to set aside my “fantasy man” for now and focus on “radical acceptance”. Plus, that’s awesome you’re married to you’re fantasy man! Turns out they do exist. As cliched as it sounds, you really sound like a “match made in heaven.” (Ha ha.) But really, what are “needs” as opposed to “wants” in a relationship? Are they different from “shoulds and musts”? So excited to go on this learning journey. Hopefully it’ll answer the real question in life: what exactly are “needs”?Who would’ve thought the path to a better future started on a Tiny Buddha forum? 😇 Your words mean a lot. We all want you to reach your destination towards self growth.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 3 months ago by Suzanne.

Dear Rose of Yellow.

Thank you for sharing that story. It really helps put things in perspective. I always thought if I loved a man so much I wouldn’t care if I had to take care of him in his old age. But that story shows you can end up angry with your life choices. Consider it a cautionary tale.

And yes, like your boss, I craved the attention of an older man. But really, who doesn’t want attention?

So what is the age gap “limit” which you can both can be partners? 15 years? 10 years? 5 years? I have considered having an age gap friendship, preferably with a woman. I like to think of it like a lioness with her cub. She’d protect me whilst I grew physically/emotionally. But I digress.

I asked this question with Anita: is it okay to be in an age gap relationship if it’s a one night stand/hookup/fling? I know older people sleep with younger people to capture the youth they lost. Personally, I want this relationship to gain the time/life experiences I’ve yet to encounter. And yes, the older person would want to financially abuse the younger person. Yes, there are so many cards stacked against the relationship. So we’re simply not compatible, no matter how hard we try? So we shouldn’t bother forming a relationship? I know it’s delusional, but I consider his “baggage” to be more of an asset than a liability. It adds “character” to the man. Personally, I’d rather look at a yellowing piece of paper with tears and ink stains /mistakes on them than a plain white sheet of paper.

Look, I know I’m crazy, but even I know what Epstein did was sick. 🤢 And on that note, just here to remind you that he didn’t kill himself. In all seriousness, I know you and Anita are head and shoulders over me when it comes to life experiences. I owe a lot to you two. Plus, I can’t wait to find more about myself. Though I know it will be scary, it will be just as exciting. I know trying to “relive” the father-daughter relationship I’ve always wanted is not ideal. What is ideal is “inner core valuing of self, your self love, and spiritual principles.” Then the ideal partner will show up.

Yes, having a broken partner will lead to a broken relationship. But in all honesty, every time you push (i.e. talk against an age gap romance) I keep pulling (i.e. want to be in one even more). But really, I’m just stubborn in nature. I shouldn’t throw your advice out the window. I know you two want me to not make mistakes. Ultimately, the mistakes I make will lie on me. That’s just life, I guess. 🤷‍♀️

Dear Anita.

If given the chose between #2 or #1, everything inside me would choose #2. This is clearly the most impulsive choice. It is pretty much to chase thrills. In other words, if someone were to present #1 or #2 in front of me and I had a split second to choose, I’d choose #2. But if someone gave me time to choose, I’d still choose #1.

And no, I’ve never experienced #1. Currently experiencing #3. Please tell me, what does/did #1 feel like?

Suzanne.