December 8, 2013 at 10:57 pm #46450MarieParticipant
first I have never reached out for advice in this manner, if anything, if I can’t deal with a problem or its to great of a problem, I simply ignore it or make it go away. I would say I am a person that keeps to themselves and keep emotion in because I’m not very good at dealing with them, for myself and towards others. I am in a relationship for 8 months now and we live together, I have two kids I bring into the relationship and he has none. he is a good guy, compared to all my past ones. he does not cheat on me, he is not mean to me, he tries and gets along well with my kids, he shares the finances with me ( in my past I was always the care taker of all finances). so whatdo i have to complain about… right? but there is this feeling of insecurity, uncertainty, something missing and I dont know if it’s self brought or something more. I like intimacy, passion and I feel it lacks because I’m constantly having to askhim for the attention i want, but he feels he gives me enough even after I talk to him about it. at the beginning of our relationship it always felt to good to be true and even after me expressing all my “crazy” thoughts, he is still here and I’m like why! we are not intimate with each other alot and by that I mean sex it’s maybe twice a week and that’s because I’m initiating it. I feel also that he doesn’t love me, he has not told me, but I have found residues of past relationship (pictures/videos/old messages) and he doesn’t talk about his past to me. we did meet at work and still work together and lots of these past relationships are from work and I found out simply by people talking instead of him telling me. I feel like he is with me to just be with somebody. but when I do talk to him about my feelings he simply tells me I have nothing to worry about and that’s about as much feedback he brings to the table. recently I asked him how he would feel if I can’t have a baby, because he wants a family but my tubes are tied and there is a good chance a reversal would not work, he responded that he would probably be upset and can’t predict what he would do at that point. my thing is I have two kids, I’ve been through plenty, just as much as the next person and I know nothing is guarantee, but a little reassurance about our future is what I want. I feel like I’m over thinking things and try to just be happyin the now, but i do have to think of my kids future and mines. sometimes I feel I’m just settling…I don’t understand how I ended up feeling this way or lost control of myself so I guess I’m trying to get advice of what I’m going throughDecember 9, 2013 at 12:55 am #46452SaharaParticipant
Dear Maria,, From your information I have observed few things. you are always comparing your past to the present. No I don’t think you should do that. And also what is the interested thing in his past life cannot you let past go as a past. And focus on your relationship what you have right now. I think you are thinking too much about everything. As you said on your own if he cares for you deal with finances with you if he is not cheating on you if he is truthful about what he do I think you should not complain about sex or try to dig his past. I can say that you are over thinking about everything.
First of all take a deep breath and leave past behind….. don’t think about again and again or don’t compare that disturb the relationship.
Second ….. be happy that you have some one who cares and who still there with you.
third… do something turn on his sexual interest. Like wear some sexy dress use some romantic perfume,, make a day only for two of you if there any possibility. Like give your kids to a friend or grand parents and go a for a out and see if that works.December 10, 2013 at 8:52 am #46527valParticipant
Hi Maria, This relationship doesn’t sound too fulfilling. I don’t believe that your feeling insecure without just cause. Maybe you could try to figure that out. Best of luck.