Dear Sweet:
Indeed you are sweet. What we are taught from an early age, what we believe from an early age does stick, take hold. I do not believe in destiny, in events pre-planned by a god. I don’t believe in god. I do believe in statistics, random occurances and the laws-of-life such as CAUSE and EFFECT. What do we do- and what results is it going to bring us. We don’t like certain results- what can we do differently to get the results we want, or at least to have more statistical chances to get the results we want. We may have different beliefs in some areas as in destiny, pre-destination and god but we both believe in the goodness of masala tea- and that is all that matters (don’t know how to paste a smily face here…)

As to your questions: “Do you have kids? How long have you been married? What do you do the whole day?”

Well, I do not have kids. I am 54 and am not going to have kids. Not only for not having been seiously married until i was 49 (a reason not to have kids) but I decided from an early age that since life was so full of suffering (I suffered so much)- it will not be fair, or the right thing to do- to bring NEW life into this world. I couldn’t- I belived- suffer the guilt (more suffering) when my kids would suffer, feeling I brought them to suffer. I believed then that if I will have kids it will be those I adopt- those who already had the misfortune to have been born. I would still do the same thing if I was young, no change in my view about having kids.

I have been married a bit less than five years. At first I was a mess- as I have been lifetime, and the marriage was unlikely to survive. We did attend psychotherapy- most of which I attended by myself, great therapist, first serious therapy I had in my life and now my marriage is good- not only my opinion but his own experience.

What do I do all day? I used to work as a teacher, mostly a substitute teacher in Los Angeles before getting married. When married, sometime after, I exercised Monday- Saturday for hours every day, yoga nad other stuff, plus psychotherapy. I was very busy. THat was in California, still. Then moved to Washington State- did some exercise at the YMCA and joined a writer’s club and was busy. THEN moved into the country in Washington State more than a year ago. SInce then I have been continuing my self healing, using the tools from the psychotherapy, hours per day, typing and being mindful- discovering new things. I joined my husband on his local travels and social occasions, took a daily long walk, and recently this time has ended as well. Now both me and my husband have more free time and what we will do with it remains to be seen.

Right this moment we are both going on a walk together so I have to go. Please write me. I am concerned with the medical process you need to go through and hope it will be as painless as it can be.

Until Later:
anita