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October 21, 2016 at 9:16 pm #118674
humourParticipantThere is some rant before the quote and the interpretation. So please bear with me 🙂
I ve been going through some roller coaster rides at my work place. Everytime it’s a different problem. I was going through something in the last 3 months and when I thought I was done with it, I am faced with a different issue. I ve had a challenge with being assertive because I feel that I might ‘hurt’ people. I feel like making good memories at work and enjoying my time with friends. Many folks had earlier told me that you can never make friends at work. It’s just professional relationships. I never believe d it but now the words ring true. The world revolves around money, power and trying to mould other people to be like you. Sometimes people treat me like I am door mat and I feel responsible for having given them the opportunity to treat me like that. I find it a little difficult to stand up for myself because iit triggers some previous bad memories and I take the hurt upon myself without speaking out. I ve changed a lot over the years and try not to put myself down but some people chew off of your confidence to stand out and shine..
So i was going through all these mixed feelings. I am not able to pick the emotion or behaviour which has to change. I suffered a lot through all of this because I knew I had to rise above it but I didn’t know what in my behavior had to change. Am I not assertive enough or am I jealous or am I too sensitive that I am not able to take someone’s orders at work. My ego was hurting so bad. I knew I had to bring harmony within myself and all this would not affect me.
At that moment I read a quote and someone’s interpretation of it. It just calmed me down instantly. I felt liberated at that moment.
The quote is “The lion and tiger might be stronger, but the wolf does not perform in circus”?
An interpretation I cam across,
This is a problem because circuses, when used in something like this, usually represent meaninglessness, ridicule, and captivity. Finally, the way this sentence is structured with the “but” between the lion/tiger and the wolf implies that while the first subject (tiger+lion) may have this (strength), the second subject (wolf) has something better or just as good (freedom).
I guess the quote could be viewed a couple different ways, depending on how you look at it.
1. You should decide what kind of person you want to be based on which is more important to you (strength/recognition or freedom)
2. If you are the best, you may get recognition and praise, but you will never be free.
3. Once you prove yourself, you will never be fully in control of your own life.
There are many more ways to interpret this, but these cover a few of the different interpretations 🙂I knew I just wanted to be free and that was so liberating. I didn’t care about my ego hurting if I had to listen or take others orders. It didn’t mean much. Nevertheless I will work at being assertive and also believe that there is more good in the world than bad and hopefully make friends at work 🙂
October 22, 2016 at 9:47 am #118700
AnonymousGuestDear humour:
I am glad this quote made you feel so much better. In the context of your work, what does freedom mean to you? Freedom from…?
anita
October 22, 2016 at 10:14 pm #118731humourParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you so much for replying.
It is inherent in my nature to help people and this attitude spills over at work as well. Some of teammates criticize me that Ï have to learn to clean my house first and then clean others’ houses. They think I am not assertive enough and they take advantage of it at times. My team lead behaves immature at times. There are some things I have told him in private, for instance I am new to this and I do not have much experience regarding this process. When telling another team, he puts me down by saying, “where does she have any experience in this.” It was very hurtful because his tone was very offensive, the tone of putting down someone. I thought he was a nice person/leader but I have observed that in more than one occasion he has spoken like this. I might be not so assertive but I think I can make a fine leader if given the chance. I don’t stand up for myself when someone speaks hurtfully and I am not sure of the reason. I ve been hurt a lot in life and experienced so much pain and I never want another person to experience the pain. I am very sensitive. I take all their c*** and don’t speak out but that does not mean i am a doormat. I have feelings too. Me not being assertive has to do with my upbringing and I’ve seen enough bad in the world. I am trying to unlearn so many things and it is taking time to be assertive and stuff on those lines.
I am getting thoughts like “Why should someone boss over me? Just because i don’t talk back that does not mean I am not hurt and just because I help people that does not mean I am not assertive. I finally want to make some good memories in life and make friends.” I value relationships more than anything else but of course no one understands all this.I know I have to create harmony within myself because being emotional and sensitive is creating problems in every sphere of my life. I have to go within and heal it. In this regard I realized that I do not have to prove to anything to anybody. I have long fought for strenght, recognition (ex- promotions, pay hikes). At this moment in my life I want freedom from all this. Its alright if “they” think I am not assertive (I am new to work and chose it because I like it. I have a lot of prior experience). I’ve had enough of trying to prove myself to managers and now I choose not to! I’ll just do my best and enjoy work. I just don’t like being bossed over by someone (this is something I have to try to heal and will work on it).
If I can bring harmony within myself, all this will not hurt me no matter what. I have to let go off my ego. I’ll try and meditate and calm down and let nothing affect me. I’ll work on making good memories and loving myself in spite of my flaws.I have tried to be a lion and tiger during different phases of my life. I’ve had those experiences. Now, I choose to be a wolf because i value freedom more, at this stage in my life. I have seen that one can be happy being a wolf as well.
Its so kind of you to have replied back. Take care. Have a nice day Anita 🙂
October 23, 2016 at 9:13 am #118745AnonymousGuestDear humour:
As I understand it, your desired freedom (being like a wolf) is from desiring others to approve of you; freedom from performing in front of others for the purpose that they approve of you. Meaning, you no longer want to be dependent on others’ approval BEFORE you feel peaceful and good.
It is about taking the direct route to mental well being, not the indirect route.
Regarding being unassertive and being taken advantage of: unfortunately (I wish it wasn’t like that!) most people are attracted to the appearance of strength and are repulsed by the appearance of weakness. When they are confronted by the appearance of strength, they feel respect, admiration, attraction. Often, they submit to the stronger-appearing person. When people are confronted with the appearance of weakness, they feel superiority-over, they feel disrespect, repulsion of sorts and proceed to act aggressively toward the one appearing weak, forcing further submission from the weak-appearing person.
Human/ animal nature is such. If you look at animal behavior, in a herd, otherwise, you will see this very behavior.
anita
October 23, 2016 at 7:24 pm #118778humourParticipantThat’s true Anita. I want to be strong in a quiet sort of way. I wish it wasn’t mistaken for weakness. I am not sure if I am making sense. It’s the same as introverts who get misunderstood.
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This reply was modified 8 years ago by
humour.
October 23, 2016 at 7:40 pm #118782AnonymousGuestDear humour:
But you can be strong in a quiet sort of way- assertive, not aggressive (or passive). Aggressive is loud. Assertive can be quiet but firm. It is a skill and if you don’t have it, you can learn it. There are books and classes on being assertive. It is a skill I am practicing myself, getting better at it as I practice.
Freedom appealed to you a lot, in that quote. In the context of interacting with people, there is no freedom unless you are assertive.
anita
October 24, 2016 at 11:10 am #118825humourParticipantYes Anita. That’s true. Once I am assertive, I get all sensitive thinking I hurt the other person. I hurt myself because of the overthinking. I have to rewire my brain. Lol
October 24, 2016 at 11:26 am #118827AnonymousGuestDear humour:
Rewiring one’s brain is exactly what it is, physiologically speaking. When we learn a new fact, that is a small scale wiring that wasn’t there before. When you learn a new, complex skill like asserting yourself, unlearning what stopped you in the past from being assertive, that is a lot of new wiring and unwiring of the old. This is why learning and unlearning complex behaviors (as opposed to a dry fact) takes so much time, practice, gentleness with yourself and a whole lot of patience.
anita
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