Home→Forums→Tough Times→Deeling with depression
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May 30, 2018 at 8:20 am #210009
Katrine NielsenParticipantNot sure what to expect from this, but here goes. I’m 28 years old and all my life I’ve been struggling with anxiety, depression and stress. I’ve always wanted to be normal and have a normal life but so far that hasn ‘t happened. I’ll start from the beginning: When I was 7 years old my sister became terribly ill and nearly died on several occasions. She was screaming from pain every single day, and as a result I’d developed social anxiety. I was homeschooled for a couple of months and when I finally got back to school I became bullied not just by my peers but a couple of teachers as well, humiliating my in front of everyone. Then at the age of 18 I became an apprentice in a clothing store. My boss was a sociopath and did everything she could to break me, she knew I suffered from anxiety and she would use it against me every single day, ending in a breakdown and severe memory loss. To jobs later, same story bulling in front of the customers every single day, despite the fact that I’ve always been a straight A student and I earned the Company the most amount of money. Another breakdown with stress and depression, then I got injured at work so I couldn’t work fultime, and I coulden’t get a compensation or help with any treatment. One of my biggest dreams was to live and work in London, so I could get away from home and feel like I was actually worth something, unfortanately my injury was to severe and I coulden’t work the hours I needed to be able to stay. So now I’m a 28 loser living with my parents, my sick sister (Who is still struggling and even suicidal at times) unemployed, never been in a relationship ( low selfasteem made me walk away every time) and with only two real friends left.
Now I’m dealing with panic attacks because I am no longer just seeing myself as a pathetic loser, but now so is everyone else(at least I think) and Who would start a relationship with a loser like that.
This is the headlines of my life but I hope that writing this will somehow help me a little bit. Sorry for my poor English.
May 30, 2018 at 10:08 am #210031
AnonymousGuestDear Katrine Nielsen:
Reads like a lot of bad things happening. I do hope your life gets better and I believe it is possible.
I would like to understand better, therefore I ask (and please feel free to answer or to not answer any or all of the following questions. I do respect your choice either way):
1. What has your sister suffered from all these years, and still, for 21 years, causing her to scream in pain?
2. What did the teachers who bullied you in school do that was bullying you?
3. What did that boss you referred to as a sociopath do trying to break you?
4. You wrote that you were bullied in other work places, one of which you “earned the Company the most amount of money”- how did you manage to earn the company the most amount of money, what activity on your part earned the company money?
5. What is the severe injury you suffered at work, when and is it permanent?
* Will be back to the computer in an hour or two.
anita
June 5, 2018 at 3:19 am #210833Katrine NielsenParticipantSorry haven’t read the reply before today.
1) I believe the illness she was suffering from is called encephalitis in English (swollen brain) it can be fatal and it is excruciatingly painful, on top of that she had a virus on the balance nerve and she nearly died from the different types of drugs they medicated her with. Due to medical malpratice ( a lot of other mistakes made by the doctors) she is left with a severe brain damage, and three years ago she sustained a concussion. The treatment she is going through now is so hard that just opening a can of coke makes her scream from pain. Her Medical journal is 100 pages long and therefor a can not go into all the details.
2) My teachers in school knew that I’ve developed social anxiety as a result of my sisters illness (I was 7 y when she became ill) and I was homeschooled for 4 months, but when I got back two of my teachers would ask me infront of the entire classroom what the hell was wrong with me, one of them took the worst essay I’ve ever written a read it to the classroom and told them how stupid I was (just being in the classroom was hard enought, even when no one paid me any attention)
3) My boss was known in my hometown for being a sociopath, she takes pleasure in others pain. She told me to my face that she would do everything to break me and she was gonna succeed in just that. I was told every single day that I was too ugly to get married and no one would ever hire me because I was a weak and pathetic person. The bulliying was so severe that I had a breakdown with stress the day before my final exam, causing me to Loose my short term memory and today 8 y later I still struggle with my memory.
4) I had the best sales numbers at the clothing store I was working in. Both in basket size and basket quantity, and I won 4 out of 5 sales contests (I don’t know what to call it) but the better my numbers got the worst they treated me, 2 against one. If I was a alone with one of them they weren’t like that but when we all three were at the job, they were pretty mean.
5) The injury I sustained was a heel spur (which can be fixed) but I unfortanatly also broke the cushioning in my heel, which can’t be fixed. I had a lot of medical bills and I haven’t been able to keep my job in London, where I finally started to feel like a normal person. So now I’m back home living with my parents, no job no money still injured, hoping that tomorrow is gonna be a better day. Thanks for your respond it mean a lot to me
June 5, 2018 at 4:50 am #210845AnonymousGuestDear Katrine Nielsen:
You wrote in your original post: “So now I’m a 28 loser… I am no longer just seeing myself as a pathetic loser, but now so is everyone else (at least I think) and Who would start a relationship with a loser like that”.
You are not a loser. Really, you are a winner, in my view.
You were born into very unfortunate circumstances, having an older sister with such a devastating health condition, screaming from pain daily, this is excruciating to witness, not to mention, to actually experience the pain of one’s brain being swollen.
It is excruciating, overwhelming to hear such screams, coming from your sister, at home, day after day, year after year. How can a child, that is you, not be affected by such an experience.
And then, to top this very unfortunate and heart breaking circumstance, some of your teachers were cruel, peers as well, and a boss.
And yet, you had enough life in you, enough hope and ambition that you earned excellent grades at school, being a straight A student. You became an apprentice in a clothing store at 18, then you traveled on your own to London, earned the company the most money, made “the best sales numbers at the clothing store.. Both in basket size and basket quantity.. won 4 out of 5 sales contests”… and another misfortune, an injury, the cushioning in your heel that can’t be fixed.
Lots of misfortune. A note about your sister: is she still currently in physical pain and if so, is she receiving pain medications, narcotics? If so, are these drugs not working?
Back to you: so much misfortune. You definitely did your very best and did well in spite of all that misfortune. This is what makes you a winner- you did your very best and your efforts did show (straight A student, apprentice, living and working in London, Best sales achievements, contests won).
Question is, what now.
You definitely deserve a better life. There must be a way.
Please post again, I want to know more about you and your life circumstances.
anita
June 11, 2018 at 5:04 am #212029Katrine NielsenParticipantThank you so much. You kind Words mean more to me than you could ever emagine. Currently I’m undergoing treatment for my heel so hopefully I’ll be able to move back to London and work again, or find a place of work near my hometown. I have an intearnship coming up so I am exited to see how my heel are gonna behave.
My sister is in the process of rehabilitating her brain injury and has been for the past three years, which is rather painful. She receives some strong pain medications but she is still in so much pain that she feels like she cannot go on anymore. We take it one day at a time.
Again thank you for your kind Words, it really helps me.
June 11, 2018 at 5:27 am #212033AnonymousGuestDear Katrine Nielsen:
You are welcome. Your sister’s story is a testimony to how strong is the will to live. I do hope her pain is reduced by a whole lot, that it will no longer be her experience.
And I hope your heel does recover. These two things: the will to live and healing are two strong forces in all living things, in nature. London, an exciting place. So many possibilities and competition of course. I think you have in you what it takes to succeed there or elsewhere.
Do post again anytime. I would like to read more and more from you.
anita
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