No, Anita. After discussing with you and after reading certain articles today, I do not feel that is a good thing to do. It’s not love… it is a violation of her rights and feelings. It will be termed as obsessive and pathological behaviour and make me no different from a stalker, no matter what my motivation is. It’s the last thing I want to be, and last thing I want to do is to harass or stress her out. If she makes it final that she wants to have nothing to do with me, then I guess the only correct thing will be to respect her decision and keep silent henceforth. I’ll always love her in my heart, wish well for her and pray that by some miracle, she understands someday. If not, I’ll keep silent and find some way to cope with my depression and pain. It pains me to say this, but what more can I do.

I modified my previous message in light of our present discussion. Please see if its okay –

*****

I know you don’t want to talk to me and I know I am fallen in the eyes of you and your sister. I understand and accept why. I don’t know whether you’ll reply or read this message, or delete it after a glance. I’m messaging you because my exams are over at last, and this is something I have been wishing to say for long, Jerry. I don’t feel repeating what we’ve said before is apt. I accept that we both are governed by social and cultural rules, and I am nobody to consider myself above the same. In that context, I accept that I have done a great wrong, whatever my motivations were. If it means I became a monster, I accept that I am one. I accept that you loved me as a brother only and never expected this from me. I failed to live up to your trust and faith in me. I know you don’t like these things and that’s why I tried to keep my feelings from you and confessed only to our two mutual friends. I admit I have lost my temper over petty issues, behaved badly with you, even stopped talking. I took your love and respect, your forgiveness and the special position you gave to me, for granted. I was selfish, obnoxious and inconsiderate. I’m sorry for everything you had to go through because of me. I was so touched by your last message, “though he hurted me with the bad words he used, I’ll pray for him and always think good only for him”, I promised to change myself and I’ve made every effort to stop using bad language and losing temper.

I only wanted to say that I never stopping caring for you, willfully disrespected you or thought inappropriately of you, Jerry. My love was always based on respect for you as a person and your virtues which make you who you are. I wish you could understand that my underlying motivation is sincere, and not lust or obsession. I don’t know about anything else, but I miss you. I miss you and our bond every day and every moment. There has not been a single day from 7th March when I’ve had a single moment of peace. I have been told to remain happy with all the others who call me brother. But you know better than me that no relation can ever take the place of another. And nobody can ever take your place in my life either, Jerry. That’s how it has been and how it always will be. I’m not asking for any special place in your life, and I have no right to request anything from you. I admit that I wanted to message more often, but I realized that it’s not an act of love or care but rather a violation of your rights and feelings. It will be termed as obsessive and pathological behaviour and make me no different from a stalker, no matter what my motivation is. That’s the last thing I want to be, and last thing I want to do is to harass or cause stress to you. If you’ve deemed it final that you want to have nothing to do with me, then I guess the only correct thing will be to respect your decision and keep silent henceforth. I’ll always wish well for you and pray that by some miracle, you understand someday. If not, I’ll keep silent and find some way to cope with my depression and pain. It pains me to say this, but what more can I do. I wanted to convey that I accept I genuinely did wrong, and you should know this.

Here…

*****

Hi Jerry. I’m messaging because my exams are over at last, and this is something I have been wishing to say for long. I don’t feel repeating what we’ve said before is apt. I accept that we both are governed by social and cultural rules, and I am nobody to consider myself above the same. In that context, I accept that I have done a great wrong, whatever my motivations were. If it means I became a monster, I accept that I am one. I accept that you loved me as a brother only and never expected this from me. I failed to live up to your trust and faith in me. I know you don’t like these things and that’s why I tried to keep my feelings from you and confessed only to our two mutual friends. I admit I have lost my temper over petty issues, behaved badly with you, even stopped talking. I took your love and respect, your forgiveness and the special position you gave to me, for granted. I’m sorry for everything you had to go through because of me. I was so touched by your last message, “though he hurted me with the bad words he used, I’ll pray for him and always think good only for him”, I promised to change myself and I’ve made every effort to stop using bad language and losing temper.

I only wish you could understand that I never stopping caring for you, willfully disrespected you or thought inappropriately of you, Jerry. My love was always based on respect for you as a person and your virtues which make you who you are. I don’t know about anything else, but I miss you. I miss you and our bond every day and every moment. There has not been a single day from 7th March when I’ve had a single moment of peace. I have been told to remain happy with all the others who call me brother. But you know better than me that no relation can ever take the place of another. And nobody can ever take your place in my life either, Jerry. That’s how it has been and how it always will be. I admit that I wanted to message more often, but I realized that it’s not an act of love or care but rather a violation of your rights and feelings. It will be termed as obsessive and pathological behaviour and make me no different from a stalker, no matter what my motivation is. That’s the last thing I want to be, and last thing I want to do is to harass or cause stress to you. If you’ve deemed it final that you want to have nothing to do with me, then I guess the only correct thing will be to respect your decision and keep silent henceforth. I’ll always wish well for you and pray that by some miracle, you understand someday. If not, I’ll find some way to cope with my depression and pain. It pains me to say this, but what more can I do. I accept I genuinely did wrong, and felt you should know this.

Thanks a lot, Anita. It’s really good. I added a few points from my original message and merged here… please see if its ok. Otherwise will send the above message you edited.

*****

Hi Jerry. I’m messaging because my exams are over at last and I am not as distressed as I was before. My thinking is clearer and my understanding has improved. I now accept that we both are governed by social and cultural rules, and I am nobody to consider myself above the same. In that context, I accept I have done a great wrong. I betrayed our sis/bro relationship. Through our whole communication, you loved me as a brother, and as a brother only. Your actions were strictly that of a sister. You have done no wrong. It was I who failed to live up to your trust and faith in me. I made a big mistake. I admit I lost my temper over petty issues, behaved badly with you, even stopped talking. I took your love and respect, your forgiveness and the special position you gave to me, for granted. I’m sorry for everything you had to go through because of me.
I miss you and the bond we shared. If it is indeed over, I must accept it. If it is your need now that I must no longer message you, then I must comply. This would be the loving thing for me to do. I must not again violate your rights and disregard your feelings. My depression and pain are mine to deal with, my responsibility and not yours. Your responsibility is to do what is right for you; to take care of yourself and be happy. I have been told to remain happy with all the others who call me brother. But you know better than me that no relation can ever take the place of another. And nobody can ever take your place in my life either, Jerry. I regret betraying our sis/brother bond and am more than willing to do everything I can to resurrect it and make it better. I will be the best brother a sister can have. But you would be the one to decide if you will give me another chance, and if you do, it will be you to decide if I succeed or not.

OK Anita. I understand. I edited and wrote that I have no right to consider myself above the rules, because it shows me accepting my arrogance and repenting it, also accepting what my place is. But can remove it as needed too. Please see if this is ok.

*****

Hi Jerry. I’m messaging because my exams are over at last and I am not as distressed as I was before. My thinking is clearer and my understanding has improved. I now accept that we both are governed by social and cultural rules, and I have no right to consider myself above the same. I accept I have done a great wrong. I betrayed our bro-sis relationship. Through our whole communication, you loved me as a brother, and as a brother only. Your actions were strictly that of a sister. You have done no wrong. It was I who failed to live up to your trust and faith in me. I made a truly terrible mistake. I’m sorry for everything you had to suffer because of me.

I miss you and the bond we shared. If it is indeed over, I must accept it. If it is your need now that I must no longer message you, then I must comply. This would be the loving thing for me to do. I must not again violate your rights and disregard your feelings. My depression and pain are mine to deal with, my responsibility and not yours. Your responsibility is to do what is right for you; to take care of yourself and be happy. I regret betraying our sister/brother bond and am more than willing to do everything I can to resurrect it and make it better. I will be the best brother a sister can have. But you would be the one to decide if you will give me another chance, and if you do, it will be you to decide if I succeed or not.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 4 months ago by ravi_zimmerfan.

OK Anita. Thanks a lot, truly. 🙂 I could not have done this without you. Honestly speaking, I am not at peace with saying that I must accept it if the bond is truly over. I admit it’s selfish of me. But I know it’s the right thing to say too… to acknowledge and respect her feelings. If she really does say that she does not want to continue the bond, I have to accept it, right. Can’t go back on my words. 🙁 I don’t know how I feel. I’m just praying she understands.

I’ll send soon after showing a couple of my friends. What if she doesn’t reply? For how long should I wait… and then, should I send any other message? What if she messages via her sister? What if her reply is negative like I mentioned above? Just voicing my doubts and fears.

Is it not possible that I can try to make up to her without being argumentative, blaming and histrionic, and without stalking her? Without encroaching upon her rights, while still being responsible and loving?