Depression comes and goes and I'm tired of it

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    Hi everyone,

    I’m in my 30s, female and have been mildly depressed my whole life. Everytime it comes back worse. My Dr is no help, doesn’t recommend antidepressants because side effects will make me worse. I’ve talked to therapists, it might help a little, but I always start feeling better automatically and don’t continue therapy because there isn’t anything to talk about. I become very happy. It’s usually every couple months or so it comes back. I think it could be hormones..
    I got a referral to a mood disorder clinic to get a proper diagnosis but I’ve been waiting 2 months and still no appointment.
    I’m lonely with the holidays coming up and I just sit and cry after work. All I enjoy is my job because I’m forced to go. I have no energy.
    Does anyone know of a as needed antidepressants or any suggestions?
    I know what they say. Exercise, be around people, eat healthy.. Any help is greatly appreciated thanks


    Dear Chanel:

    If you want more than what you already heard: “what they say. Exercise, be around people, eat healthy” do share when your depression started, in what circumstances…Were you a sad, lonely child?



    Hi Anita,
    Thank you for your reply. When I was young I got made fun of for being fat and ugly. At some point I developed social anxiety. I would never talk to people at my first couple jobs. I’ve never had many friends. No long term relationships.
    I Self medicated with drugs and alcohol for around 10 years. First bf physically and emotional abusive.
    I hardly drink anymore unless I know I’m not depressed because it intensifies it. I don’t do drugs anymore either. Low self esteem from my last boyfriend.. I’m still not over him, even though I deserve better. But it sucks to lose the person I feel so comfortable with.


    Dear Chanel:

    When you were so young and been made fun of, being told you were “fat and ugly” – these words hurt a whole lot. The words with the hurt became part of your brain. So as you go about your life ever since, those words- with the hurt, with the pain, are being replayed again and again:

    When you look in the mirror, when you go shopping for clothes, when you see thin-and-pretty women in real life, or on TV, when you are around people, you often imagine they are thinking these words.

    So on and on you hear those words and feel that pain- this is depressing.

    On and off- sometimes you forget; sometimes you get a break, you feel better. But then, here are the words, here is the pain. Again.

    If you are interested to weaken those words, to lower the volume, to reject them, it is possible. It takes time. Sure, there is more to your depression, but what I wrote here, although simplified, can still be useful. What do you think?



    So what do you suggest?


    Dear Chanel:

    This is a worthy cause to attend competent therapy- to weaken and replace those words.

    But here, on your thread, we can look more into it, if you’d like. “I am fat and ugly” is what is called, a “core belief”- unfortunately. It is something you believe and have believed for a long time. You were told it and you believe it. This belief is causing you much distress and depression, understandably.

    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) examines core beliefs for accuracy- challenges core beliefs. It is not easy to change a core belief but it is possible.

    This is not an easy subject, painful, for you. This is why best to attend competent psychotherapy with an empathetic therapist you learn to trust and feel comfortable with before you do this kind of exercise:

    List evidence in support of “I am fat and ugly”
    List evidence against this belief.

    I am not a therapist, not a professional of any kind. I attended CBT myself and found it very helpful. If you want to proceed with the Listing exercise above, here, please do. I will soon go to bed and be back in about 10 hours or so. If you reply, we can continue this communication.


    Rose Tattoo

    First of all: get another doctor to talk to. I’m on antidepressants (Celexa) because I’ve had low-level depression for most of my life, with a similar pattern to yours. In my experience, Celexa has very few side effects but I feel better after being on it. I will probably take it for the rest of my life, so I can experience life in a more balanced way. I’d strongly suggest finding a doc who will not be so dismissive of medication.

    It sounds like you know yourself pretty well, and are mostly doing the right things. Therapy might help, as well, with a compassionate person. Maybe also group therapy that focuses on depression, particularly one that teaches Dialectical Behavioral Therapy skills (DBT). In my experience, depression is exacerbated -if not caused- by how we speak to ourselves in our own heads. If you’ve felt mistreated by people, and if you’ve had a couple of relationships that ended, it’s pretty understandable that you’d feel sad and down. It’s possible that you’ve internalized the messages that you’re not OK the way you are, and that this is at least somewhat driving your depression. I found that when I ruminate too much about my problems, I end up depressed, so I try not to let myself dwell on problems if I’m not being constructive about solving them. A good therapist or group can help you process these feelings of not being OK, and hopefully can help you see other possibilities.

    I’ve also started to be very careful about who I let into my life, because I’ve had a tendency to be around people who were not healthy for me (judgmental, manipulative, unkind, etc). Now I try to just let people in who are positive, kind, engaged with life, hopeful, and are actively pursuing positive things in their lives. If you have people around you who criticize you or judge you, consider not being around those people. Attitudes like that can really infect us.

    Good luck!


    Thanks for the reply:) I have a Dr appointment Fri and will tell her I need to try something.. I did really well recently, gratitude lists etc and was feeling great about myself. And when I talk to therapist I start to feel great and there is nothing left to talk about.. Then it comes out of no where. And once I get in my rut I don’t have the energy or can’t think clearly enough to get out.


    Thanks again Anita. Maybe I will try a different therapist. I’ve been to a few but I don’t know if it’s not for me or tgey weren’t a good fit. Non of them started me on any dbt or anything


    Dear Chanel,

    Do continue with your Friday’s appointment and if you want to recover from depression or if you are looking for some practical techniques to do by yourself then I will suggest you to take a look at ‘The Healing Codes’.

    Dr. Alex Loyd developed a technique after his wife Tracey “Hope” Loyd had severe depression for several years and couldn’t find anything to cure it.

    She speaks in this video..

    The full details of the technique is available in The Healing Codes book-

    The book has everything you need but if you do not have the time and patience to wait till you finish the book (because, apart from the actual technique the book also explains the how/why of everything) and if have the required financial capabilities then you can also consider Personal Coaching on this process, which is done by a Certified Healing Codes Practitioner. You will get all of that information from their official website (below). Read out the number of positive reviews on the Amazon link above to know how it is helping people.

    Official Website:

    Moreover, the same technique can also be used for the issues you wrote above – social anxiety, Low self esteem, past unpleasant memories.


    Below is something faster for social anxiety and ‘I’m still not over him’ feelings

    Bach Flower Remedies are known to work faster on negative emotional states of mind. I suggest you to do a web search on ‘Bach Flower Remedies’ to know full details on what they are. If it interests you then among the several flower remedies below are the ones for your situation.

    Honeysuckle – for people living in the past (for ‘I’m still not over him’ feelings)

    Mimulus – social anxiety (Mimulus is a very effective remedy for fear of social situations, speaking in public etc. Try this and see the courage you get)

    Larch – for low-self esteem and self confidence issues, for inferiority complexes caused due to being called fat and ugly

    Please patiently go through each of these and if you feel they resonate with your situation then you can take the flower essences. They can be combined and taken and not necessarily taken separately.

    They are available here-
    The ones that you need to take are the ones with the name of that remedy (Honeysuckle, Mimulus, Larch) written on the bottle.

    For example this is for Mimulus:
    – (https://www.amazon.com/Bach-Original-Flower-Essences-Mimulus/dp/B00016QT5S)

    or any of the other websites
    – (http://www.directlyfromnature.com/The_Original_Bach_Flower_Remedies_Information_and_Sale_s/1818.htm)
    – (https://www.luckyvitamin.com/m-309-bach-original-flower-remedies)
    – (http://www.vitacost.com/bach-flower-remedies-1)
    – (https://www.evitamins.com/bach-flower-remedies)

    Take care of yourself,


    Dear Chanel:

    You are welcome. When you see a therapist next, mention to her or him the term Core Belief, specifically your core belief, and ask the therapist how can you change this core belief. If the therapist can help you do that, then it is the right therapist for you. Ask the therapist about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and if she or he thinks it can help. If you do, post again and let me know what the therapist said, will you?


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