Desperately need help

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    I am feeling hopeless and drained .. Today i feel the last straw has been pulled ..i will make my story short as possible ..

    I had a decent childhood with very supportive parents .. However , my siblings were over achievers and although i was smart , since i was the youngest i had to be given a push each time .. I needed help from my parents both financially and mentally through school , college . I finally got married to my partner of 8 years after a struggle .. Even then i was a confident , but self critical person ..
    Then the downward spiral began … I had difficulty in career which made me depend on my parents for emotional support a lot .. Then when we decided to have kids , i went through 8 months of medical procedures and surgeries to get pregnant , only to return empty handed as well as quitting my job . No child but drained of every bit of confidence . I lost faith in life , i had misunderstandings with husband . I became depressed .

    Then i decided to pull myself up and got back my job back .. 2 months in and i landed in two legal cases against me at work , which was not warranted .
    I got out of that job and got into a more secure job this march . The job was good and suddenly i met with an accident and had to have a knee surgery with me being immobilised for 8 weeks and still i dont have full mobility .
    At this point i got a place for an exam which i had applied and wanted badly 1 year back and would make me more qualified . I decided to brave it and travel to another continent to write it and i did with my familys help .

    Now the final straw — i go back to work today and hear that i didnt clear the exam . Also since i took so much sick leave at the new job , my probatory period and problems have mounted .

    All through these problems i have not had a single moment to breathe , my parents and husband think im permanently depressed and think i am weak .

    I have no desire to live anymore and feel so drained. Physically im still limping and feeling worse than you could imagine .

    Please someone help me get out of this .

    Rose Tattoo

    That sounds incredibly difficult, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

    A friend just e-mailed me a quote (I’m not sure who said it) because I’ve been going through some difficulties, too. It seems appropriate for you: “Sometimes the things that seem to hurt us the most are the very things that bring out the best in us ~ that helps us discover the love we thought we’d lost ~ the strength we didn’t know we had ~ the courage to let go of the past and begin again ~ because challenges help us to see who we really are, where we want to go and what our lives can be.”

    I understand that you may not be able to see the gifts in your situation right now, and that’s OK. It sounds to me like what you need the most right now is some support from someone who is not judgmental or disappointed in you. Is there any way you can see a therapist or counselor? If money is an issue, maybe there is a training clinic or low-cost service in your area. It’s hard to motivate yourself when you’re feeling depressed and exhausted, and it doesn’t sound like your family has the resources to support you right now in the way you need to be supported. A counselor could not only give you the space to talk about what’s happening without feeling like you’re a drain on someone else, but might be able to see your situation with new eyes and offer solutions you and your family haven’t thought of. Sometime just having a sympathetic ear where you can be honest and open about how you’re feeling is enough to take some of the pressure off.

    From your description, it sounds like you’ve been pretty motivated and smart about dealing with these hard issues. You’ve taken steps to try to better yourself and haven’t given up even under a lot of stress. I know a lot of people who would have given up long ago. I probably would have, too. Are you giving yourself credit for the fact that you’ve been handed some tough cards, and that you’ve really done a lot to try to make the best of them? Even though things haven’t worked out the way you wanted, you made the effort to make your life better. It must be incredibly frustrating to not reach your goal of passing the exam. But I’m impressed that you even took it. I don’t think I would have had the motivation.

    I hope that things get better for you soon!

    Chelsea Clary

    Hi Jadegoalie-

    I encourage you to read my post “when pain becomes strength”. To summarize, I spent three long years going through job loss, RN licensure lost, drug dependence, divorce, home foreclosure, physical illness, suicide attempts, psychiatric hospitalization, abusive relationships, poverty, homelessness, and far more. It was hard to go through the darkness of those three years. I tried killing myself three times. I know how it feels when your world completely dissolves. Two things I want to tell you. First, this isn’t for nothing. You are enduring this dark time so that you can emerge a stronger person. I know it’s hard to see that from where you are at this moment, stuck in the midst of it, but it’s true. Not long from now, you will be able to look back and see that you survived. The other thing I would like to tell you is that life is never perfect. I encourage you to take a step back and look at your life as a whole and find what there is that you can still be grateful for. I know it sounds contrite, but it will give you the opportunity to see that not everything is bad at this moment. I made it my personal goal when I came out of the storm that I went through to not let it have been for nothing. I didn’t want the scars on my arm, my time in the psychiatric hospital, the abusive relationships, all of it, to have happened to me for nothing. I decided that I would use what I had endured to help others see that they can overcome their trials and thrive. The best part is that when you get through it, you know how strong you are. Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if you need to. Remember, no one is perfect, there is amazing beauty in things that are flawed, wabi sabi. I hope this helps give you some solace and you will be in my thoughts.

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