I am 44. I married my ex-husband at 18. I was married for 25 yrs, but for the last 7 I had nothing to do with him. I moved to another state and focused on raising our daughter. He was emotionally and physically abusive. He cheated on me several times. He’s threatened my life, my parents life and the life of our daughter. When I left him, I had no tears to shed. I was out of tears from the years earlier and I was liberated by being free of him. Getting my papers finalized, was a celebration. Part of me feels guilty for feeling like that because I know how sacared marriage is. After what he put me through I think its undestandable.
When I met my co-worker we were friends for 2 years before anything happened. I fell head over heels for him. He was not like my ex at all. I think that contributed to the fast hard fall I experienced. We were never in a “relationship” …we were more like FWBs. The end to what we had took me to my knees. I felt/feel so broken. The rejection was demeaning.
I have to make better choices. Obviously I haven’t done that so far with the two loves in my life. The first one didn’t know how to love and the second one couldn’t.
You said, “There were too many things about him that I didn’t care for and that weren’t compatible with my needs. Instead, while with him, I tried to please him. Tried to adapt to his life and devalued myself.”
I find myself doing that also.
Why do we do that?
Is it low self-esteem?
Is it the way were raised?
Is it in our nature/ part of our personality?
Maybe it’s a combination of things. I do know, I don’t like it. I know I’m a people pleaser. I have a difficult time saying, “no”. I see others doing what you mentioned above and I hate it and speak on it. That’s hypocritical of me, isn’t it? I guess I see in them, what I don’t like in myself.