Hello all, I am new to the forum and this will be my first post. I have spent many years trying to find inner peace, as a teenager I was an avid meditator and practiced mindfulness in many daily aspects of life. I found myself very content in my life, even though at times it was rather turbulent. Then, with a sudden and explosive argument my parents decided to divorce. Throughout my childhood our family had always been divided, with my mother and brother on one side, and my father and myself on the other. When the divorce came i was initially relieved that the fighting would be over, however when my mother and brother moved out i ceased my meditation and mindfulness practices. My father was not a spiritual or religious man at all but fiercely defended his openly Buddhist son to all of our southern Christian family. Yet, for some reason i could not continue my path after the divorce. Years went by and bitterness and resentment grew inside of me toward my mother and brother to the point that I could no longer even mention their names without feelings of anger. My father was in the same boat, and often stood at the helm, steering us both toward a bitter empty future.
After several years of these feelings, my father suddenly sprang upon me that he was moving away with his new girlfriend, and I could either go with him or find my own means to survive. Being in college, and with a girlfriend of my own, I could not pick up and move so easily. So I reached out towards my estranged mother who still lived in the area. She took me in and showed me such compassion, that I was moved to return to some of my older ways. My then girlfriend, now wife, also showed me such great amounts of love and understanding that I soon longed for my old path.
Now, a few years down the line, I am finishing my bachelors degree and living with my amazing wife. I now have a wonderful relationship with all of my family except my father. After he moved away, he became estranged to me and cut off all contact. Even at my wedding he would not stay the whole time and his wife threw a tantrum and they left, I have struggled greatly because I feel deeply betrayed by him, as he was the one person who always had my back as a child. And now he has turned his on me. I have not reached out to him in almost a year and worry not just about our relationship but about him as well. Yet, for some reason i can not bring myself to call, or even send him a text or letter. I feel that I can not move on in my path without overcoming this obstacle. I have tried many times with great difficulty to process this emotion, but its sheer magnitude overwhelms me.

I am hopeful that some of you can offer me some advice to help me along this path. I am ready to heal and move along, I am just not sure where to start. I know the path is directly in front of me but setting my foot upon it, I am filled with trepidation.

Thank you all

Kyle