Hello guys. It’s an interesting forum and I was hoping I could share my own dillemma. Perhaps I could receiev some thoughts on it too and if so I will highly appreciate your thoughts and any advice given.

I went into my first relationship when I was 14. I wasn’t expecting much from it as I always had this idea of ‘nobody would be very interested in me’ and even if someone would approach me and try to be with me it could not work. However, my relationship lasted for a very long time – almost 6 years. The relationship had its ups and downs, there were few break ups in between but the love between us to i believe was very strong. However, after few years of out relationship my ex went into the army meaning I did not see him often, and he became a different person. He would be jealous of me having friends and others giving me attention, me going out and enjoying my self, ect. Despite beingjealous there were moments that i felt so alone, as if he doesn’t show me any attention i require what so ever. Soon I started talking to this guy in my high school who was 2 years older than me. I didn’t realise that he would treat me in any different way from others but soon people started to point out that there is some chemistry between me and this guy. I felt kind of guilt too thinking ‘what if I am really flirting with this guy’ whilst I am in relationship. This guy never told me he likes me. I remained just friends with him while trying to create best of my relationship with my boyfriend. Me and this guy from high school had a good friendship. I was happy to be around him and would enjoy our random conversations. After a levels he left to uni and i still had one more year, so through that year I totally forgot the chemistry i felt towards him and fully focused on my relationship. After a year I ended up going to the same uni as the guy. However, I was strong and sure I have no feeling for him – I saw us just friends. My relationship with my boyfriend was good us we got engaged. However, soon we took separate ways as he cheated on me. I know I loved this guy so much because it was a very hard time to let go of the fact I am no longer with him. My dreams and wishes seemed to be broken. Nevertheless, i am a strong person so I did get over it very soon. Within a while I met this very handsome guy, who interested me A LOT – he made me realise that there is more to life. He made me realise that there is plenty more people who will be better for me in so many way than my ex. We would spent hours and hours talking about so many different things. We would go and do different activities..I realised we have a lot in common…Anyway, this guy really gave me the chance of connecting to him spiritually, emotionally, physically. One day he told me he likes me more than a friend. I thought i definitely like him more than a friend too. My mum also really liked him which was even better. Although It’s not confirmed that me and him are going out, we are definitely not ‘just friends’. Her is a lovely guy and at the beginning I though i definitely want him to be my boyfriend and he would make a great husband. However, sometimes because he is reserved and pride comes in a way he doesn’t fully express his feelings and it seems sometimes that i need to make my first move for this friendship/relationship to evolve more. In my first relationship my ex was the one who would be very straightforward and in general any guy that i meet seem to be very straight forward with what they want. I already struggled at some point in life with my first relationship, so at times i don’t feelto happy about him being sometimes difficult expressing his feelings towards me. So now there is still that guy from my high school who is in a long distance relationship him self and with whom i spend a lot of time together us we go to the same uni. (I see him as my best friend and i can hinestly say this guy always makes me smile and happy. I love being in his company and I would cry if he would not be part of my life anymore one day). We go and work out together. I see him in library. We chill together. I love it. I try to see him only as my friend but sometimes I feel we are definitely attracted to each other. I see him as my brother though because I could never be what so called ‘ a home wrecker’. I care for his happiness so if he marry his girlfriend I will be so happy. But it leaves my heart confused – For all these years i faced this dilemma of not knowing where exactly my heart is at. Now, I know I Will never be with my bestie (the guy from my uni)..and thats totally fine..but what do I do with this guy that I also have a connection with – how do I try to help him express his feelings to make everything clearer in our friendship..? How do I even figure if he might be the right person for me (I ALSO LOVE HIS Company. He is interesting to talk to. I can be with him even in silence and it doesn’t feel awkward.) Is my heart with my bestie or with this other guy…or both..? Is it possible for my heart to be going towards both? Guys, I am sorry if I don’t make sense anymore but its extremely hard to even express my self after all this confusion. I just simple don’t want to be in dilemma. Is it possib;e to learn how to love someone and be fully happy with relationship? Please share your thoughts!