Lotusflower,
When there is mud, we add the river. Soon it is a swamp, then a lake, then the ocean. The river, for me, is focused communication. One person speaks, one person listens, both being mindful and respectful, knowing the other being the main intention. Not fixing, not blaming, not stabbing, not judging, just sharing and knowing. The rest works out from there.
I understand theoryland may feel safer, but mudland is where the nourishment rests. Said differently, for a lotus to blossom, she breaks the seed husk and open her roots to draw nourishment from the mud. Do you have the courage to do that? Here where its anonymous? With him? With a therapist?
With warmth,
Matt