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April 19, 2016 at 8:16 pm #102305
AnonymousGuestDear Gen:
To figure out what we want to do in life, how we want to live life, what people we want in our lives, to figure these things out, emotions are key. They guide us. When those are repressed, when we are not aware of them, we get confused, indecisive, not knowing, and then we let other people and circumstances decide for us.
No matter how organized you are, Gen, what intellect you possess, if you don’t have your feelings available to you, you will be lost, because we are animals, evolved from animals, and emotions were there before thought, guiding animals on what to do, where to go, who to mate with, etc.
There is a way to unlock your emotions, and it is a slow process but it can happen for you too.
The trip to Japan, you got some of your emotions back to your awareness, this is why you felt so capable there. I wonder what you can do where you are now, parallel to what you did in Japan, so to bring your emotions back…?
Will be back at the computer tomorrow.
anita
April 19, 2016 at 9:31 pm #102308
GenParticipantHi Anita,
Your advice makes so much sense! I’m taking a writing class now and I struggle every week to complete the assignments (Partly due to perfectionistic tendencies). I feel like something is always missing in my finished writing assignments. Last week after class I lingered, like I always do, to talk to my classmates. One of my classmates, a woman in her late 60s or early 70s, comes up to me and says that there’s something in my writing that reminds her of herself. She explained that because of this familiarity she wants to latch on but she feels as though there’s a “punch” missing in my writing. I asked her to clarify what she meant because I felt that my writing was missing something too. And she said that she feels as though there’s feeling or emotions lacking in my writing. It’s weird how strangers can sometimes tell you things about yourself that you yourself would have never realized. I guess the lack of feeling and emotions present in my life inadvertently spilled through in my writing.
Your question is a good one. I wish I had an answer to it. I’ve been journaling to discover this and trying new things. I do enjoy writing and photography most. Practically anything related to creativity. But it doesn’t seem to have the same effect as my travel to Japan. I think because of the pressure I feel to make money from one of these to support myself.
I’ll work on trying to get back in touch with my feelings and emotions. Your questions and responses are so helpful!
April 20, 2016 at 7:28 am #102333AnonymousGuestDear Gen:
Very perceptive of your writing classmate! I did notice your writing is well organized, rational. It makes me think of the conversation you had recently with your father. He was strictly rational about your career future: work is so to make money, the more the better, and to be happy: take care of it outside of work, if you must. This is a rational that many, if not most people share. Problem is he is not attending to the Gen-Factor in this conversation. He did not attend to your feelings and motivations, and instead he repeated the same position he had for ages. There was no back and forth communication about YOU. Neither did he tell you how he feels.
What happened in Japan, I believe, is that you went there alone, solo and … you didn’t want to go back home. You wrote that in your post.
You also wrote later: ” I have a really good relationship with all of my family members.”
There is a price you pay for those good relationships, and these relationships are your comfort zone. You felt alive and capable when you were away from these relationships, this comfort zone.
The price you pay is that you keep your dissociation from your emotions going so to please your father, for one. And you keep it going because you are not familiar with the alternative. The alternative is your experience in Japan.
Till your next post, I hope, take care!
anita
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