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Divorce or not?

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  • #386412
    BeachGirl
    Participant

    My husband and I have been together about 18 years and married for 8.We have had some off times but never split for long, I was 17 and he was 20 when we first got together. We have two teen daughters together. We have had many ups and downs and so far have made it through it all but right now we are having an extremely difficult time and I’m afraid we are looking at divorce. Truth is I have a hard time trusting my husband. Reason being he would always talk to other women in a way that I feel is inappropriate. Two years ago my husband and I split as he had been talking to a women from work and had some sort of emotional affair going on. My husband wanted to be home with me and girls and asked what I thought. I explained that as long as she was apart of his life I would not be in it. He ended up staying and things are good up until she starts reaching back out to him  it seems every 6 months. We have a big blow up and then things are good again. Well here we are it seems months later and last week she reached back out to him and I’m not okay with this. I can’t seem to get past this. I will admit on occasion I will check our cell acct to see if she’s been reaching out. When I noticed last week I took my husbands phone out of his hand to check but he had deleted the messages. He’s mad at me for not trusting him and says I don’t allow him to have friends. I’m upset once again he’s hid it from me and I know she wants more out of him. This time he did tell her they would never be more than friends but I still just cant seem to get past it. Maybe its the fact that she’ll text him 10 times in a row until he finally answers and then will text off and on all day/night.  My husband is a truck driver and on the road from 10pm -10am. Am I crazy? Do I have a right to be mad or am I overreacting? I don’t know what more to say to get him to understand how I feel. All he says is I don’t trust him. Anyone have any advice?

    #386418
    anita
    Participant

    Dear BeachGirl:

    More than 2 years ago, in your August 2019 thread, you shared that your husband, a truck driver,  talked you into sending this woman, his former dispatcher,  $850 to pay for a fine she owed, and you caught him “texting her good morning beautiful, complaining about me and saying I was just with him for a meal ticket“.

    Fast forward 2 years and a month, she reached out to him yet again, you are upset and his response: “He’s mad at me for not trusting him and says I don’t allow him to have friends“- that (1) he is referring to this woman as “a friend”, and (2) that he transfers the responsibility for his wrongdoing to you, blaming you for not trusting him (instead of acknowledging that he has been less than trustworthy)… these two things infuriate me, even though I am not there in your shoes!

    Do I have a right to be mad or am I overreacting?“- you do have a right to be angry, and you didn’t mention any behavior on your part that is an over-reaction.

    I don’t know what more to say to get him to understand how I feel“- reads to me that he understands how you feel but doesn’t care much.

    “Anyone have any advice?”- separate from him and file for a divorce. Don’t back off.

    anita

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