Dear dadaru83:

You asked how can you move on, forgive him release the pain. You need to know what happened first, don’t you, in order to release the pain? Reads to me that you don’t know why he married you. You suspect it was for citizenship.

Was there a talk between the two of you, before (or after) marrying about his citizenship, or his lack of sexual interest?

anita

Dear dadari83:

Without more information, since he will not provide that for you, focus on the present, on the interactions you have to have with him because he is the father of your child. Focus on the well-being of your child, on your and his parenting of your child, see to it that it is done right.

I suppose you felt better when you thought he was gay and worse since he has a girlfriend because now you think that you were not loved, not because of his sexual orientation, but because he didn’t love you. Is that it?

anita

Dear dadari83:

It is quite evil, to plan using you and brining a child into the world with the plan to separate from, as in not being there in person for the child, once he achieved his aim.

You wrote that you didn’t know “this kind of evil was real” but it is. All kinds of evil, are real, unfortunately. And these don’t only happen to other people.

You mentioned forgiving, in your original post. I couldn’t do it, nor will I try to forgive a person who has done certain things, or, if he/ she has done lesser things, not having sincerely regretted those things.

As far as letting go of the hurt and anger over what he did, as you continue to interact with him, will it help if you tell him, not ask him, but tell him that you know what he did, believe you know what he did (or did you already tell him?)

anita

Dear dadari83:

I guess there is no way for you to right this situation, and so you have no choice, for your own well being, but to accept what happened- not as right, but as what happened. To accept it means to stop fighting with the reality of what happened, trying to understand it further, trying to communicate with him again. It is what it is.

It is where your focus in that will make the difference for you. If you focus on trying to forgive him, that will keep you, I believe, in the trap of focusing on what he did. Focus elsewhere is the key, on your life, your child’s life, the practical matters of the day.

It is unforgivable, what he did, so don’t try to forgive him. Focus on the hopeful parts of your life, not on the hopeless.

anita