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Do I leave him?

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  • #199605
    Richard
    Participant

    I have been with my parter for approaching 3 years. It was a “casual” relationship that ended up becoming very much a love story. He was happy to keep things casual, but after I told him I loved him we got together.

    From the beginning there were enormous problems with his family, due to their religion his mother gave us hell, and to a degree still is. I felt so frightened she would “win” and I would lose the man I loved I developed a deep hatred of her, though now times has passed and she has calmed down I perhaps, while not agreeing with her views understand them (I have never met her or any of his family and don’t imagine I ever will).

    it caused huge problems in our relationship, and I was very insecure. Then due to all of this he fell into a deep depression and was a nightmare to be with, but we muddled through.

    Now everything is pretty much perfect, his family don’t give us too much trouble, he’s mentally stable, loving, caring, kind. Perfect in almost every way.

    BUT….I rapidly found I was really unable to talk to him about most things early on, we are intellectually on different levels, he is childish in many ways, and I have found him increasing irritating. And I cheat, frequently, and feel no guilt. We sleep in different beds due to his snoring problem, and when he goes away to stay with his mom for a few days I feel a huge sense of relief and freedom.

    I can’t get out of my head the idea I want to split up with him, but he went through so much to be with me, and he loves me so much I couldn’t bare to hurt him. I feel like a mother does for a child, as though I want to protect him, and no doubt I would miss him. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t seem to get the courage to end it, and as far as he’s concerned we are in a perfect relationship. He talks about spending our whole lives together.

    I feel terribly torn inside, please help.

    #199633
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Richard:

    You want to  break up with him but feel very  guilty about  doing so. Part  of your feeling of  guilt is the trouble he went  with  his  family for being  with you. Another part  is that  he loves you so much and  will hurt if you break up with him.

    Is part  of your guilt feeling  what you stated here: “He was happy to keep things casual, but after I  told him I loved him we  got together”?

    I also  wonder how long you’ve  been feeling this way, trapped  in this relationship and wanting out but feeling  guilty. I also wonder what you fear will happen to your partner after  a  break up. I wonder  if he  has friends/ support system?

    anita

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