Dear Eli:

His plan is to financially  support his wife and kids and to visit his kids regularly if he doesn’t live with them. I understand  this part. Here I s  my problem with his plan:

He said: “if she  accepts this”, that  is, if she accepts that he financially support them and that he can visit his children regularly, then he  will move in with you.

But  on the  first page  of your thread, you wrote: “his wife always make  fights and  problems for everything”- doesn’t read to me like a woman who will accept what he wants her to accept.

His plan includes the  following: if she doesn’t accept his plan and  asks for a divorce, then the  kids will be  asked with whom they want to live and  he  will turn to the courts to decide on the terms of life after the divorce.

To look more into the divorce option, I would  like to understand what happened  before when he tried to divorce her (“he one times tried divorced her”, page 1)- what happened?

There is one more  thing: he told  you that he “did not touch my  wife she always complaining and do said I am busy I am not in mood”- does this mean that she  is still pursuing him to have sex with her? And if she does, how many times will a man say I-am-busy, or I-am-not-in-the-mood? I mean,  over time, there  has to be  times when she sees that  he  is not busy?

In other words, if   his explanation to her about not having sex with her was  that he has permanently lost his sex drive, that reason can work on the long run, but I-am-busy and I-am-not-in-the-mood are temporary excuses that are not likely to work on the long run.

If I was you, I would  bring  up the topics I just did with him, calmly, patiently. It will take more than one or two conversations to figure out the sensibility or lack of sensibility of the plan, as well as the sincerity of his intent.

anita

Dear Eli:

What did he mean by “she got her lesson but it’s her last chance”- what was the lesson he hoped she learned and what was or is her “last chance”?

anita

Dear Eli:

Reads like he has a terrible marriage, that he made a poor choice  of a wife,  considering she mistreated or still mistreats his 16 year old from his previous marriage, and given that she fights with him a lot, if that happens in front of the children. And he is a bad husband for  not  making  the marriage work or leaving it. He shouldn’t be doing both,  a marriage and a love relationship with you. He  should  do one  or the other.

I wish he resolved that marriage for the best interest of his children.

It  is not looking good to me, meaning, he doesn’t have a clear, good plan,  not good enough. It is an  iffy kind of  plan that depends on the reaction of whom he describes as  a highly emotional, unreasonable,  argumentative and impulsive woman, his wife.

I suppose what matters most is that you make the best choices for yourself, make your life better on the short term and long term. If you do, it will happen to be what is best  for all involved.

anita

Dear Eli:

There was a strong wind storm where I live, electricity is still not available and so I was not able to use the internet until now, temporarily as the private generator is operating, providing me with electricity (and internet) for a while, for how long, I don’t know.

Yesterday you asked: “please tell me what  to do”- I don’t have the right to have such power in your life, to tell you what to do. No one here has the right to have power over you.

See, for one  thing,  I am not there with you, not able to hold your hand and calm you down when you are upset, to be there with you when you feel sad and lonely. So if I tell you: Eli, you must end that relationship, I will not be there to comfort you when you feel sad or scared.

And I do not  provide you with money, so it is not right for me to tell you to  end a relationship that  provides you with financial support.

I think that what it comes down to is: do you have a better option than this married man in your life?

The man you had a date with, you wrote in your recent post that he is not interested in a second date, so he is not an option, although I wish he could be a decent friend to you, not a boyfriend.

Back  to the question: is there a better option for you-

When we don’t have a better option, we make due with what we have. But what if there  is a better option, maybe it is a hidden option and if you look  for it, you  will find  it.

It will be wise to look for and take advantage of a better  option. Not just a better option  of a man: single, honest, kind, and available to love you the  way you need to be loved, but a better life  option overall. What if you can plan for a better life..?

anita