Dear Eli:

Thank you for wishing me safety!

As far as dating and sex: never have sex on the first  date, second date or third date. If the man suggests to you to have sex on  the first date, the second or third, say No, clearly and assertively.  If the man then suggests to have sex with you after you said No, leave the date immediately (it is important that the date takes place in a public place so that you are able to leave immediately).

If the man does not suggest sex after you said No and you are on the 4th date with him, talk with him about what you want from a relationship, get to know him, communicate and do  not have sex until you know him better, which should take at least three months.

A man  who wants to use you for sex is not likely to have  the patience to wait  for three  months and go through the trouble  of sharing with you about his life,  his feelings, his hopes, his dreams; to listen to  you share,  and ask  you questions so to get  to know you better.

A man who  will date you for three  months without sex, who will  share  about himself and listen attentively to you sharing about your life, ask you questions about your feelings,  your hopes, what  you care  about, what  is important to you, that man may be the one  for you.

What do you think?

* I will soon be away from the computer and hope to be back in about sixteen hours.

anita

Dear Eli:

You are welcome!

I am glad this man said “no second meeting”. If he wanted a second   meeting, I hope you would tell  him: “no second meeting”!

You are a person first, a person with feelings, with hopes and dreams, and you need, most importantly, to be valued a nd respected, not to used as a sexual object!

I can’t think  of a greater need, once you are fed and sheltered enough, than to be valued  and respected. It is good guideline when figuring out what relationships in your life to keep and what to end: if a person disrespects you, end that relationship, be  it a beginning relationship (this man you just had a date with) or a relationship you had all your life (your mother).

All you need is one person who values you, to start. I value you. Even though all you see are these typed words on your computer screen, there  is a person who is typing these words, and this person values you.

anita

Dear Eli:

He told you: “even your own family don’t care about you”- what did he mean by it, do you think?

anita

Dear Eli:

You shared something personal and painful with him and he used it against you, “like big ax to hit in my head”- this is not a loving act, not a loving man to be doing that. No matter how angry he was, he shouldn’t have used something you shared with him against you, as a weapon, to hurt you.

I didn’t understand what “hadnyeli Every body need some help or some thing they contact you”- can you explain this to me (what is “hadnyeli”?)

I will be away from the computer next and be back in about 18 hours. Please be good and kind to yourself!

anita

Dear Eli:

Thank you for your good wishes for  me.

He was angry then, that you helped other people, saying “who give you medal and be  appreciated for this”-

I suppose this means that he doesn’t help you for a medal himself, that he makes sure that when he helps another person (ex. give  you any money or spends money on you), he gets something tangible, or some physical pleasure in return, not just a “thank you” or other words of  appreciation. Do you think it is true to him?

anita

Dear Eli:

If I was you I would burn or throw away all the pictures and letters, and sell the gold and expensive gifts, and use the cash for the move to the other city you plan on moving to.

And then, in the other city, I would start a new life.

anita