Hello everyone,

I am currently having serious mental and physical problems. My medical doctors gave up on my medical and mental health problems and referred me to an acupuncturist instead. I have had to cut out most of my abusive and toxic family members out of my life. I have had to limit contact with my narcissistic mother because she’s being very unkind and so supportive of me. She shows no empathy or compassion for me so I don’t go see her anymore nor do I call her very much on the phone. I know eventually I will need to end contact with my mother but I am waiting for my health both mentally and physically to become stabilized. I want to wait until I feel better so I can go to school and secure a job so I can make enough money to support myself. I think I will have to move out of the country to be able to afford the cost of living because in America where I live I cannot afford to survive but could afford to survive in another country quite comfortably. However that cannot come quite yet. I am still sick. Due to autism, having severe mental illnesses, and medical problems I am unable to make and keep friends. My medical problems and my financial situation prevent me from leaving my house very often so it’s very difficult for me to connect with other people. I have also endured a lot of mental abuse from family, former friends, ex partners, and medical professionals. I feel I have trust issues with other people due to the emotional abuse I have endured. However I have decided to love myself and show myself more love and respect. I feel I want to go into solitude over the holidays and spend more time alone. How can I be my own best friend? Is it OK that I don’t really want to have other people around me at this time so I can heal myself? I have been traumatized by so many people over the last several years that I feel like I want to spend a lot of time alone to go and meditation in solitude to get to know myself better and heal myself. I want to love myself and respect myself more. I feel it will be a very long time perhaps several months before I can re-integrate into society again.I am OK with not having a support system I am trying to pursue enlightenment more importantly. How can I make the best of the situation? Can anyone give me perhaps some spiritual practices or self-care ideas for a woman? I am 31 years old and going through a lot and would appreciate any type of advice. I am too sick right now to attend a Buddhist temple because most Buddhist temples are over an hour away from where I live and cannot even attend an online service at this time due to medical problems. However that could change in the somewhat not too far distant future. I am doing the best that I can and trying to be thankful for what I have. Does anyone have any ideas of what I could do during this time to make it meaningful? I may go on a solo retreat somewhere affordable for a while perhaps in nature. Can anyone recommend any spiritual books? Thank you so much for your advice. I currently do not have a Buddhist spiritual teacher at this time and unable to find one so that is why I have contacted this forum for ideas for my spiritual growth during this time.