Hey! I think what I’m hearing you say is that you aren’t sure how to comfortably express your upset emotions because you, A) have been in the close presence of a family member who is emotional and complains often and then B) you don’t know a good, respectable way to release these emotions. Am I right?
IF I am right, then I have some advice for you. If I’m not, then what I’m about to say may not be exactly what you’re looking for. I grew up with quite a few people who weren’t comfortable with themselves or with life for that matter, so they were all highly emotional and complacent. One of these people was (and still is) extremely anxious and worrisome and would verbally express her fears all day long. I couldn’t go anywhere with her without her worrying of at least 5 of the following: her looks, her hair and makeup, if she exercised enough, if she turned the stove/oven/toaster/washer/dryer/any appliance off, if she had enough gas in the car, if I was going to leave my purse in the car where we went to (what if someone broke into her car to steal it), if her other family members had contacted her and if they were alright, if the car in the lane next to her was going to crash into her, if I was mad at her, etc. It was only reasonable that after experiencing life with a family member like that, I had a LOT of trouble expressing fears or personal problems to anyone without worrying that I was going to look like that crazy person in front of them. I learned to ‘put away’ my feelings instead of expressing them in a socially acceptable manner right off the bat. But that wasn’t healthy because holding your feelings in isn’t healthy!
After experiencing several years of sudden emotional attacks that would have me crying about everything that had made me angry or sad or frustrated in the past year, at least once a year, I decided I needed to stop stuffing my emotions away because it was causing me stress. I think that’s what you meant by feeling crazy and having trouble thinking or concentrating because even if sometimes you can’t clearly feel it, the back of your mind is all clouded and full of pent up emotions! It’s very important to allow these emotions out in the form of a comfortable release. Not knowing how to let them out makes finding peace very difficult. And I do know what you mean by this habit making it difficult to find help for your personal problems because if nobody knows that you’re sad how are they going to help?
But my advice to you is to start by letting them out when you’re alone BUT ALSO writing down how you feel. It helped me to write down my feelings because then I could make sense of what was really troubling me on paper and single it out away from the rest of my thoughts. It is okay to cry. Everybody cries. Even men cry sometimes. They just don’t talk about it. Crying is embarrassing when it’s in public and no one else is crying. Crying in front of someone randomly is embarrassing. There is no easy way to just cry in front of others unless that’s what you grew up doing but it sounds like you didn’t grow up doing that. You’re doing what most people do. You go cry about it in a place where nobody else will bother you or ask you questions or watch you as you scrunch your face up weirdly and water comes out of your eyes. MOST people do not cry in front of others! That’s totally okay!
I think that you should follow your intuition about seeking a place to talk about your emotions. It doesn’t have to cost money. There are plenty of support groups and meetings that happen all over this country that do not cost money. I actually think it’s a better idea than counseling because then you meet others who are experiencing your same situation, you are totally allowed to cry in front of everybody, and you don’t feel alone. You don’t even have to have that pressing of a problem to be in a support group or meeting! I hope this helped! Good luck 🙂
-Reeva