Don’t know what to do

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    Hi there,

    I’m writing to get advice or hear a fresh perspective of how I might look at my situation.
    To put it simply, I can’t get over my ex, even after I thought I was for a while and now I don’t know what this means… I started dating this guy right when I moved home from an internship after college. I was friends with him before I had left town but was dating someone else at the time so nothing happened. When I moved home I had the intention to only stay in town for 2-3 months and move to another city to continue growing my career. In the meantime I jumped into the relationship with this best friend. Even though I thought I was going to leave every part of me wanted to be with him and every part of me enjoyed it. It got to the point where I was in love with him but internally didn’t trust he could grow in the same direction  I wanted to. He wanted to move to the new city I wanted to, and I wanted him to, but I didn’t think it would be right idea. I ended up breaking with him and moving alone telling myself my future self would thank me. When I look back on the relationship it was the most emotionally intimate relationship I’ve ever had. He understood me more than anyone. But we also were bipolar with each other. I would think he was mad at me and I would do anything to have him forgive me. It was emotionally toxic for me. It took over a year to feel like I was making progress of getting over him. I still struggled to be happy all the time but did find peace in the present and accepted what was.

    Well It’s been 2 and a half years. I have a new boyfriend now and if you were to ask anyone , he’s been the guy I’ve been looking for. But I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I can’t decide if this means something more or if I need to continue to keep trying to accept the present and not look back at what I miss.


    Dear Erin:

    Regarding your ex, you wrote: “every part of me wanted to be with him”- not every part. There was a part of you that “didn’t trust he could grow in the same direction” as you. Do you want to elaborate on this part?

    Regarding your current boyfriend, you wrote: “if you were to ask anyone, he’s been the guy I’ve been looking for”. The only one whose answer matters is your answer. So I ask you: what is it that you’ve been looking for in a guy?

    I ask questions because I don’t have enough information to suggest anything possibly useful to you. Maybe with more information I will be able to.


    • This reply was modified 5 months, 1 week ago by anita.
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