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End of a friendship that wasn't really a friendship

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Viewing 8 posts - 16 through 23 (of 23 total)
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  • February 3, 2016 at 9:02 am #94807
    Anonymous
    Guest

    …And after I get myself un-stunned, i will respond to what you wrote above about other things, that is other than your appreciation of me that is still… stunning me.
    anita

    February 3, 2016 at 11:24 am #94838
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Joe:

    I re-read your latest post from an un-stunned state of mind and I am excited for you: you are on the right path, The Healing Path I call it, and The Year of Joe it is! Changing yourself for the purpose of winning others’ approval is a no win proposition for you. After the short high of the ego boost you mentioned comes disappointment. This path you are on, this journey, it is not a linear process, not for long. There are letdowns along the way, difficulties, challenges- can’t be otherwise, it is the nature of it. And you are on it. I am smiling now as I feel excited for you, the promise in walking this path is enormous. The benefits will be so very significant to you, as they already are.

    Please do continue to post. I am more than motivated to get glimpses into your journey, to read about how those jigsaw puzzle pieces fit….

    I recently spent some time in a children play room in a health food market. There are toys there and children chairs and play things. And I noticed the puzzles there, very simple puzzles for young ages. I don’t know how this thing is called, a puzzle maybe… it is a wooden rectangle and inside there are shapes cut off, so there are spaces to place in the shapes. I realized how important it is for young children, for things to FIT. It is a need. No wonder children will go to any length for things to fit in their minds. For example if the parent sends the message: you are not important! That is like that space in the puzzle and the child has to find a piece that fits it, and the piece that fits is: I am not important. It is an automatic fitting.

    You as an adult now, with your clear vision, intelligence, understanding, experience… the things you didn’t have then, now you can work of the puzzle in a different way, not do the automatic fitting a young child does….

    anita

    February 8, 2016 at 10:22 am #95267
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Joe:

    How are you???

    anita

    February 10, 2016 at 11:43 am #95696
    Joe
    Participant

    Anita

    I’m doing pretty good – I hardly think of my old friend any more – I can’t pinpoint the exact date I saw him last and that’s a good thing I suppose because I’m moving on with my life.

    I was looking at my old photos from university the other day (aforementioned un-friend was in many of these photos) and I was pretty mortified/embarrassed at what I saw – back then I thought I was having the time of my life but looking at those photos now I can see I was really unhealthy and I didn’t look that good either. I’m moving on from this version of me.

    I’m making some practical changes in my life right now – waking up earlier than I normally do (I set the alarm for 8:30am), I’m being more conscientious of what I’m eating – I’m making use of myfitnesspal.com to keep a log of what I eat in a day – this helps me to really pay attention to what I eat and I don’t feel the need to walk to the supermarket to buy cookies for another unconscious junkfood binge. I’ve been using this for 4 days now and I’ve just been eating proper food with only fruit for snacks, keeping with my recommended calorie intake. I have replaced cups of coffee with warm water (it’s still pretty cold here in England) and herbal tea. Still early days but I already feel healthier, and I am looking forward to finding out where these healthier habits take me.

    I made a sale on one of my glass pieces (I used to do glass-blowing when I was 19) – I’m quite chuffed about that! I’m chasing up a lead for a possible exhibition opportunity soon, so I will have to see how that goes.

    How are you Anita?

    Joe

    February 10, 2016 at 1:19 pm #95717
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Joe:

    As to your question about how I am doing, thank you for asking. Talking about healthy eating vs binge eating: that has been my challenge for a long time and I too am doing much better with this. I think I consumed too much caffeine this morning and I thought I was going to collapse on my 3.5 mile walk today but made it, calming myself down. On another front, as I have been noticing in my communication with others on this site, how others minimize their childhood painful experiences, again and again, I realize … more how I have been doing the same thing, how natural it is to split off childhood painful experiences and not feel much about those experiences anymore, only that split off pain shows up in the present in other ways so there is no avoiding it. I think I am at the point of realizing myself how bad, really bad my childhood has been. Connecting this with binge eating, I think if I integrate my emotions more, re-associate… I am less likely to go to desperate measures to ease the pain and the fear of the pain. What you resist, persists. So, all this is my answer to you about how I am doing.

    I am glad you are doing well, waking up earlier, eating healthier and that you sold one of your glass pieces! Also, you are looking forward to finding out where your healthier habits take you and pursuing a lead for a possible exhibition, opportunity.

    Please do post again. I am very interested to read more of your progress (not a linear process, remember to be patient and gentle with yourself!)

    anita

    February 10, 2016 at 6:50 pm #95737
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * And congratulations for changing from J to Joe… and nobody better take this name from you!
    anita

    February 11, 2016 at 2:49 am #95774
    Joe
    Participant

    You’re right about being patient and gentle. I think with my goals, I have been the complete opposite of patient and gentle and that has been detrimental to my work and productivity.

    For example – I have a huge ‘to-do’ list (who doesn’t?) but I set myself unrealistic goals on what to achieve – “Today I am going to do such-and-such, then I am going to do another such-and-such and more such-and-such…” I need to get it in my head I can’t complete or finish everything in one go. Another user here suggested the idea that I set myself the goal of starting to work on something – he didn’t say anything about having to complete it all there and then, just to start it.

    So I’m trying to set myself realistic goals at the moment and not bite off more than I can chew.

    February 11, 2016 at 9:19 am #95790
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Joe:

    Excellent point: setting realistic goals. Sometimes it is okay to set only one goal per day. There are days when that one goal could be to … just take it easy that day and do nothing. And that is okay, after all you are the one setting the goals and the rules, you are the authority figure in your own life, or should be.

    Being gentle and patient with yourself is necessary for mental health. Since when did ongoing bullying of a child ever make a child successful on the long run? If you bully your own self, setting a long to do list and then reprimanding yourself for not accomplishing any or all of those goals, then you are acting against your best interest.

    Regarding the huge to do list, I don’t have one. I minimize my to do list. This morning, my to do list is to not drink too much caffeine!

    anita

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