Erection problems with girlfriend

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Sebastiaan 1 month, 4 weeks ago.

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    Hello all,

    I don't know if this is the appropriate thread but i hope its the right one.

    So right now i am in a long distance relationship. Just a month back i met her for the first time. We are in a relationship now for 5 months and i went to her for 1 week. you can read all here
    It felt really good and i felt comfortable with her from the start. I booked a hotel for my stay so we could always be together.
    So when in the hotel there happened some things. We started kissing and got really horny, so she undressed me and started to give a handjob.
    She got me really hard when she kissed me and when i felt her body but when i got undressed and she started to give me a handjob i got soft really quickly.
    After this it happened another few times, i think in total 2 or 3 times. It makes me worried that i can't get hard around her. She really turns me on when i still have my pants on and then she does the handjob and suddenly i get so soft, it's so weird. I don't want this to happen. I'm still a virgin and actually a little insecure guy. She is my first girlfriend and she gave me my first kiss. My age is 21. The time me and her were together she only gave me a handjob, while she did it she still had her cloths on. Maybe it's just a matter of getting used to it. When she didn't get me hard i felt ashamed so i did the handjob myself again to make me hard. It means i can get hard around her but somehow there is a problem.

    When i got back to my country i stopped watching porn and fapping, so i hope when she comes here again it will be better. I really love this girl and i don't want to lose her over such a stupid problem. The relationship itself is really great and we spend all of our time together, it was so good.

    So right now i'm worried, i don't know why this happened and i dont want it to happen again. I already stopped fapping and watching porn ( i was kinda addicted, maybe once or twice a day) , and i'm doubting to buy viagra. The only problem there is that people from the Eu need a recipe for the medicine (as far as i know) and i kinda don't want to go to the doctor and tell i can't keep my dick hard. Besides this what can i do? and what do you think causes this problem? I didn't tell her what i liked and just let her experience. She is not the most experienced girl either, i'm her second boyfriend.

    I hope i will find the solution because i really love her



    Dear Sebaastian

    I'm actually real glad I stumbled upon your post. I was hesitant to share such intimate information going on in my own relationship, but I found your story actually incredibly similar to mine.

    I am also in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. We've been together for about six months and I spent a weekend with him on New Year's. I am also a virgin and I'm 22. And that night, I wanted it to be my first time. After I told him, we engaged in a LOT of foreplay, but he only got hard maybe once or twice. I tried things and he tried things, but when the time came to have sex with each other, he would get soft. So unfortunately, nothing happened that night.

    I never gone this far with a guy before so I was upset that night because I thought maybe I was the one at fault, being unexperienced and all. But I talked to him and he assured me that he was nervous because he thought about our first time together a lot. I've talked to a lot of people (including men) about my situation and they said it is completely normal to have erection problems, especially when it's your first time with someone.

    It does seem like you really love her and that's all that really matters. I'm sure she loves you too and you shouldn't worry about losing her over a case like this. If you're still a little anxious, it's always healthy to talk about it with your significant other. It's important to tell her what you like and don't like, and vice versa. I'm sure the second time around will be better for you both. I'm also learning that it does take time and practice.

    Best of luck to you and thank you for this post, as it also offered reassurance to my relationship!


    Modal Soul

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by  modalsoul.
    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by  modalsoul.


    Dear Sebastiaan,

    Yes you have posted in the right thread (Share your Truth) since in reality there shouldn't be any category for anything because everyone is always ‘Sharing their own Truth'.

    I am not someone from the medical arena but I do know about this issue based on readings and hearing about it from people. So would respond to you based on the same.

    Erection problems are usually termed as Impotence or Erectile Dysfunction (ED).
    When men become sexually aroused, hormones, muscles, nerves, and blood vessels all work with one another to create an erection. Nerve signals are sent from the brain to the penis. This, in turn, allows blood to flow to the tissue in the penis. Once the blood fills the penis and an erection is achieved, the erection is then maintained.
    When someone suffers from ED, the blood that should flow into the penis and causes it to become erect, does not flow with the amount it should flow. This amount of blood flow is interrupted by either a physical or psychological condition or a combination of the two…more on these below.

    Physical reasons
    Physical health conditions like diabetes, heart issues or taking certain types of medications do affect in ways further causing ED.
    But after you mentioning your age I do not consider this to be the case with you. You will need to find out if you do have any.

    Psychological reasons
    This problem to the area between the legs (reproductive organ) is usually due to a problem between the ears (brain, mind)
    Issues in the head are due to anxiety, insecurity, nervousness, etc.

    It could be either General anxiety that you have in your day to day life with other daily activities OR it could be even Performance anxiety (anxiety either to perform the best or that I am not performing the best or that she should feel a particular way about my performance).

    “I already stopped fapping and watching porn “
    “i was kinda addicted, maybe once or twice a day”
    I have read medical practitioners in this area of expertise suggest that the male hormones keep on generating the semen (spermatic fluid) within the testicles. So if you suppress the urge for its outflow then it is going to find its own outlet through nocturnal emissions or wet dreams (a wet dream is when ejaculation occurs while you're asleep). Or even when you are simply sitting you can sense a small amount of the fluid coming out.
    Hence doctors suggest you to find its outlet through masturbation but only when you are sexually excited or when you feel the sexual tension caused due to this constant generation of the spermatic fluid. It doesn't sound to be harmful if it is not made into a habit.

    “and i’m doubting to buy viagra”
    If you do this then do it with the awareness of its effects along with its side-effects.
    I would recommend some natural foods, nuts and fruits that assist in this matter. Look up on the web for natural remedies on this.

    Also it requires changes in lifestyle like –
    -stopping tobacco use
    -drinking less alcohol
    -getting plenty of rest
    -eating a healthy diet
    -exercising regularly
    -reducing stress and anxiety

    If ED is caused by a lack of blood flow then circulatory health becomes key in prevention. A common way to improve blood flow is through exercise.
    Some cardio-based exercises include: running, biking, swimming, and aerobics or even brisk walking.

    Erectile Dysfunction is affected by the mind which in turn affects the mind and thus worsens the problem due to this cyclic loop.
    So it is not just physical health that you need to focus on, but mental health too.
    Look out for simple relaxation techniques. Also, there are lots of techniques on the web to have proper blood circulation in the brain and to the entire body. You also need to make yourself mentally strong in other usual activities of the day.

    Occasional ED isn't uncommon.
    If doing the mind relaxation exercises, and the techniques to increases the blood circulation, and the changes in your lifestyle don’t reduce your symptoms and if you develop erection problems that get worse over time, then it is definitely time to contact your doctor. Yes you mentioned you do not want to go to the doctor, but this is again anxiety. An experienced doctor specialized for this condition is there to help you in this matter. Take it that way. He will then find the root cause of your underlying condition – be it physical or psychological.


    Whatever it may be, don't allow yourself to think that you have a major problem, and that you need to perform well the next time you meet and also end up doing too much of searching on the web.
    Going with the flow of the moment is the best thing to do. Don't keep yourself waiting to meet her, neither suppress your desires with her (of course with her consent).

    Don't try to make it so “hard” to understand all of the above.

    This is all more usage of the mind. Just live spontaneously and allow yourself to enjoy those moments.


    With some physical activity and learning to relaxing yourself will help you get rid of all this.

    Best wishes,



    I'm glad i helped someone with this post modalsoul. i always try to reassure my girlfriend it's not an attraction problem. It might be a technique problem but if it is i will help her with that. I read a lot of guys don't get off with “only” a handjob. It's indeed really stressfull for a guy when it's his first time with a girl. Also really nervous feeling, especially when you have a poor body image. I just hope it won't get too big of an issue for us since i really want to get old with this girl and see a bright future ahead of us except this “little” problem.


    I don't drink any alcohol and i don't smoke and tobacco. i could improve myself on all the other points. I think i have a poor body image. Also it's really stressfull since she is my first girl that i do this with Ever. I might need to come back on the no fap part, since i think its healthy to mastrubate sometimes. Just not as much as i did before. Maybe once every week or maybe even less. Like i said in the response to Modalsoul, maybe it's the technique etc that she doesn't use right and if so i will help her with that. I read it's actually really hard to go off with “only” a handjob. I'm not finding excuses or blaming her, i am looking at the possibilities

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