Dear bren:

The past year was indeed a very difficult year in so many ways. I wish that your ex did give you the clear signal that you are asking for, instead of the mixed signals you’ve been receiving. Does he understand how much you feel the need for a clear signal from him, I wonder.

anita

Dear bren:

“I don’t know if he feels guilty that he moved on so fast and I discovered what was going on. Or if he feels guilty talking to me and doesn’t want to be mean? I honestly don’t know”-

How about sending him a message telling him/ asking him just that, and add that you are tortured because you don’t know if any part of him sincerely wants to get back with you or he definitely has no such interest. Ask him to please help you by telling you honestly, best he can, anything that will make the situation more clear for you?

anita

Dear bren,

He might not be able to give you a clear No because of his own issues, such as the one I mentioned – that he wants to have you as a backup in case things don’t work out with his new girlfriend. Or it could be other reasons, such as him feeling guilty for cutting you off.

A bigger problem, at least as I see it, is why you feel at an impasse if he doesn’t give you a clear-cut answer. Why having hope, i.e. a chance of getting back with him – is such a burden for you. My impression is that it could be because you’re afraid you might not live up to his expectations:

He also said what if we get back together and I work on these things I have going on and then stop and it goes back to the way it was.

He doesn’t want to be disappointed again. He’s been disappointed before. You said he lost hope (that you would change?), and that’s why he broke up with you. You don’t want to mess it up again.

If he told you he’s not interested in a future with you, you wouldn’t need to worry about messing up again. And you wouldn’t risk being rejected again – for not being good enough.

Does this sound like a possibility to you?

Dear bren:

I didn’t know until a moment ago that you replied to my recent post to you. I think that what you need now is relief from your stress and anxiety. I don’t think that you are in the state of mind to analyze the past and develop an analytical understand of the relationship, the breakup, and the post-breakup.

I don’t think that asking him the questions you have can harm him, and it definitely cannot harm a relationship that no longer exists. So no harm in asking, and it is possible that asking him will be helpful to you.

I suggest that you prepare what you will tell him and ask him on a piece of paper and when you see him, read to him from the paper and/ or give him a copy of it. Give him the chance of getting back to you with answers by email.

He may not give you clear or honest answers, but there is no harm in telling him clearly what you need and asking him the questions you need to ask. Maybe you will benefit from it.

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by .

You are welcome, bren. Let me know if you need help with formulating your questions. I hope that you feel better soon.

anita

Hello my friend..

My name is Wind. I would like to share some questions and ideas with you. All questions and ideas are only for your quiet contemplation. To quietly curious. Depends you.

I share..

Before you met this man, where were all your emotions about him?

Now after you have met.. the situation controls your thinking and life from what?

Some idea..

When people meet is always by the law of cause and effect from emotions. You can check your life.

Your emotions were where before you knew the man? And now where are they?

Emotions always move my friend. The man is an object, as all things outside of you are objects in the life. Suddenly the object appears, and from a physical view emotion becomes attached to emotion from each object.

Emotions always move to follow the time, example.. Happy, sad, angry, love, hate, jealous, want, need…etc..

Why in the morning you feel love? Then afternoon cry from sadness? Then angry? Then depressed? Then back to love?

My friend, emotions always spin, always moving from one to the next. Like a mouse running on a wheel, many can not escape running after each feeling.. But you go where?

Why you do not see that on the time, everything begins, means on the time everything must end? That is the basic law in the life. One man appears, in the beginning everything feels equal, fresh, new.. But from the time my friend, everything begins to move and change. Each Soul has its own frequency and the speed and level of each frequency begins to move at different speeds over time.

The nature of Love does not change my friend. Meaning, the nature of Love does not know any beginning or ending. So from what you can fall in and out of if it was really the Love?

It is not the object that you must overcome. Only yourself and your own emotions from grasping at the life and not seeing clearly the laws that control each life.

What is the purpose of your life? If you were born, only to one day must die.. Then what is the purpose of BE BORN?

Why do you volunteer to become a slave to your emotions from attachment? A slave to another?

Where is your courage and confidence to cut everything and keep focus on the path up the mountain of discovery?

In a beginning there is an ending and in an ending there is a beginning. But, from looking back, from grasping in the delusion from imagine, suffering and wasting time has becomes the self created prison for many from KEEPING. HOLDING.

Sometimes in the storms of emotions we lost ourselves. Lost our courage. Our purpose. And our balance.

Many do not see the movement of the life. From not see they do not see the open door of new possibilities when something has ended. From fears of losing something. Or losing an imaginary outcome.

Another question,

For example, right now I die.. How long will the time wait and care for me?

From your original email. I share.. Mistake of everyone is they think the time cares about our situations. But the time only follows the law of the time. Meaning, the time do not care you. So why you waste time asking about the time?

You escape or stay in the small cage of your emotions, depends on your own courage and self determination to see the limit of each situation and cut the string of emotions attached to the appearance.

Right now, the door is open .. and fresh skies await you. But you busy chasing an object with full emotions of attachment.

My friend.. Maybe my ideas are difficult. But I no waste time when share. This man comes, means on the time must go.. He also has his own cause and effect that he can not escape. If you can quietly, meditate about.. you will see though the appearance of the object may change, come and go.. The emotions is always the same.

When we hold the past, we lose ourselves to an imaginary past. When we grasp at the future we lose ourselves to an imaginary future. How much time did we waste in our own lives from false seeing?

I do not say you must believe or follow my ideas.. Everything always depends on you.

I only share..

Courage my friend. Come back to yourself. Careful to become like a beggar within. No object is so important that we allow ourselves to become an emotion slave from delusions of grasping and holding.

Stay on the spinning wheel like the mouse in the cage, or get off and see that sometimes we must grateful for the end of each situation has appeared. otherwise, we are like a fish swimming in stagnant water. And, stagnant water over time becomes polluted and dirty..

So too the Soul my friend, when we lost courage to keep moving and growing in our life. Discovering and ready with everything. Face to face with the movement of the life. Stay in the weeds or become like the big tree of the forest, all begin from seeds.

The seeds of your behavior are your effects for tomorrow. You grow up your life and wisdom or you stay in the weeds, depends on where your purpose is and your energy is focused.

Nobody was born to become a slave from within my friend. But because everyone did not wake up to see and observe the life, they gladly volunteer. Thus, ignorance becomes a prison.

In this life you never have what you think you have. Everything is a temporary condition. How awake and alert you become in this condition, always depends on you. Awareness burns the clouds of emotion my friend. Cleans the mirror within.

Why you do not take some time to come back to yourself and clean your inner mirror?

Come back to balance inside, from put down your overflowing mind filled with endless buckets of emotions.

You can not know the future or what will appear in each relationship, until on the time, everything appears. And, sometimes..

‘Too Late’, did become the name of everyone. Because the life moved and changed, like a gift, the door to exit opened, the space of new treasures waited.. But because of fears from grasping in emotions of attachment and not seeing the limit of all things.. They missed. And, miss can be the invitation for a  bad situation appeared from there emotions.

My friend..

Only you can save or destroy YOU.

You choose this or that, depends on you. But, I share.. You stay and keep spinning in a circle, then you must accept your effects that come or do not come. You must see that you are the cause of your effects.

Or, you stand up within yourself, come back to your duty in the life which is to grow up your Soul. Courage in each step to see the limit of any situation that blocks you from growing and developing. Eyes in your own eyes and keep going.

Stand in the cage and suffer. Or, leave the cage and rediscover your wings and faith in them to take you into new and fresh possibilities ……………….. Depends always on YOU my friend.

I wish you good luck.

Thank you so much,

Wind.