Excessive Attachment to Sibling?

HomeForumsParentingExcessive Attachment to Sibling?

New Reply
Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • Author
  • #164708

    Thanks for reading!

    My girlfriend of almost two years has demonstrated the habit of over attachment with people all too often in her life as I am informed by her circle of friends (and her bookshelf). She is a sweet, gentle woman with a big heart. However, her family has been emotionally abusive for a large majority of her life. Her father the ringleader of sorts, but the rest of her family has definitely come to sympathize and protect their abuser. Her sister is mostly rude, and controlling. She becomes passive aggressive and volatile when she doesn’t get her way.

    Recently her sister gave birth. Initially, my partner scheduled TWO WEEKS OFF OF WORK to assist with her two babies. It sounded excessive to me albeit I have little knowledge of the customary stay in this context. However, I knew I was pretty close to being right when her best friend and therapist also agreed. They both resounded my sentiment of “whoa….this is too much.” Ultimately, we collectively got her to whittle it down to a few days. On the third day, she immediately began to look for ways to extend this stay. I should also mention that her sister has a tendency to become particularly rude when they spend more time around each other.

    As her partner, it is nerve racking. I see my partner not setting up reasonable adult relationships with her family. Furthermore, a family that tends to be abusive at that. She tends to regress to the dynamics she had with her family as a child. Almost gravitates to the abuse and tries to rationalize it.

    We talk about starting a family. Now I am having serious, second thoughts about our future. I’m seeking advice…

    Thank you so much for reading.


    Dear drinkmorewater:

    Thank you for the reminder, by the way, to drink more water!

    I understand your concern about your girlfriend. If you start a family with her, it will be frustrating for you to see her continue to misspend her time and resources on original family members, receiving as a result more of the same disrespect and mistreatment from them, while that time and resources are taken away from your chosen family with her, from you and your future children.

    I would say, better postpone such plans until and if you are confident, following much communication with her, that her loyalty and investment would be to her chosen family, a family where the rules-of-engagement will include empathy and respect as well positive return-on-investment of time and resources.


Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.