Hello lovlies,

This is my second time posting here. I’m overwhelmed by the support. Thank you all for your kindness and taking the time to reply to what it is I have to say.

I don’t believe in ranting about the same thing over and over as it only leads to more suffering. I don’t like holding onto past situations as they do not serve me in any way. But, I’m struggling. I’ve been feeling detached from my body and my mind for 2 months now (since my wisdom teeth surgery on Dec 6th, 2018.) My body has been in a fight or flight mode and I seem to have developed some dissociation with reality. It used to really scare me. I used to be bed ridden, locked in my room but I’m proud to say I’ve gotten so much better and I think I’m going to find the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Despite me being able to act normal on the outside, my thoughts really really take over. I’ve been going through so much existential anxiety. I’ll be out with friends and I’ll feel dissociated from reality for around 10 seconds before I bring myself back, and what’s happening in my mind is “am I really here?” “am I in a coma somewhere?” “did I ever make it out of my surgery?” “am I really alive?” “what does it mean to be alive?” and the thoughts go on and on and on, really. I wake up every morning almost afraid of my own existence. I don’t understand how we came to be, I don’t understand life and I get really frustrated with things I don’t understand. Although I’m fully capable and can act and be a normal human being, I feel extremely alien. I don’t know if this is a spiritual awakening, I’d like to think it is, but feeling detached from reality is scary. I’m in therapy right now trying to get to the bottom of my anxieties but it all stemmed from getting my teeth out and being petrified. So silly, as that’s such a common procedure. I believe in a way I got myself into this state, due to overthinking, so I know I can get out. I believe in myself. It’s just been a long process and a very scary one.