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Expecting too much vs knowing what I want

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  • #86955
    Sassypants
    Participant

    Hi I’m writing frustrated and hurt. Here’s a quick history to help with the big picture. I’ve been with move boyfriend for 2 years now. I broke up with him twice as I needed to do some self discovery and growth. My love for him has been been slow growing but ever so strong. He obviously love me too after taking me back and understanding.

    Currently he just got back from his 6 month job away from home, followed by one month journey of travel where I met up with him at certain points. (Our compromise.) I have fallen deeper for him and feel ready more than I ever have with him, which is good. However we are having a small problem which we are trying to work through.

    What I would do for him I expect it in return and my expectations are letting me down. On his trip he met a friend whom is staying with him tonight. I am hurt he did not invite me to meet him. I know I would include him if it were reversed. I have introduced him to my friends in the past, included him and I feel so heart broken that he doesn’t want me around. I asked if he was embarrassed of me, didn’t want me around his friends or what? He said it was none of that and that just because I’m ready to be around his friends and family doesn’t mean he is. He also mentioned his close friends were there for him when we broke up, saw him hurt and that they think I’m going to do it again. I have a friend in the same situation, but see that she’s happy and I am nice to the guy who broke her heart before. 🙁

    I made my point that I’m frustrated because I want to be a part of his life but can’t. I feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Is this pay back for breaking up with him earlier? My heart hurts and I am very sad. I have been honest with him about my feelings of being hurt and he says it’s just because I’m not getting my way. I know this will work out but am just having a hard time this weekend. Please advise. Thank you.

    #86956
    Sassypants
    Participant

    *I forgot to mention. This is also the first weekend he has been home in 6 months. This issue came up last night too which prevented us from quality time too. So I haven’t seen him all weekend. 🙁

    #86969
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sazssypants:

    You asked: “Is this pay back for breaking up with him earlier?”

    There is a cause and effect thing in life. You did break up with him twice so to grow and discover yourself, you wrote, and he was very hurt that you did so. The friend comforted him at those times and probably was on HIS (your bf’s) side. He probably felt a negative sentiment for the girl (you) who hurt his friend (your bf).

    So you breaking up with him is the CAUSE and him not wanting you with his friend is EFFECT.

    Nothing you can do about reality of cause and effect: when you do something, you can not undo it. It is like throwing a rock in the lake and complaining that there is a ripple in the water.

    anita

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