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April 11, 2018 at 9:29 am #201729ceceParticipant
Idk where to begin… so i met this boy around November last year (2017)… so after just two days of getting to know this person it felt like i had known for a waaaay longerrrr time than just 2 days. Literally by the 3rd morning, whatever we had going was on fire (our connection i mean) it was alot of attraction there between both of us you know… but then after 2 1/2 – 3 weeks into the “friendship” it was honestly more of a flirtationship but we would always call each other Bestfriend, that was what it felt like but i knew in my heart there was something unusual about this connection, something beautiful. but as soon i told that to myself i started to notice mine own and his energies changing towards each other. i started to act out of fear, i was so confused, i felt so lost once we stopped talking. When i was with him i was at peace , real genuine peace. I was open and genuinely expressive with him. But once communication stopped, i started to go into the dark place of mind , not how you think though, it was more of a lost of faith, fighting, temptation, lost of self type of thing. and also i had moved on from J pretty quickly, my thoughts about him somewhat faded, day by day. i would still have that occasional longing for his presence and mind again.
so then it was 2018 and we were just getting back to school. I saw him almost everyday, but communication was practically non-existent. we didnt even make eye contact with each other anymore, i just walked past him everyday ignoring him because i thought this entire time it was him who didnt love me for me, maybe i was crazy, i just wasnt good enough. No love lost though, i still felt this connection with him. i was just really confused, everytime i seen him he ran through my mind intensely. I could literally feel his presence. It almost felt like i was touching him even though he was on the other side of the hallway. yea it was that deep. but anyways once i started to see him a little too much i started to feel this great depth of depression snatching my soul out of my body . My self esteem dropped greatly. i was very pessimistic and felt soooooo lost. I dropped out of school, my grades went low, i started losing focus, i was distracted by everything that didnt matter, i even gave my toxic ex another chance, it turned out worse than ever…. lets just leave that situation in the past tho…
So once i finally built up the courage to let my toxic ex COMPLETELY go , i got back into school, tried to regain my focus, enhance my looks, and i even did a little bit of soul searching. but this is when the universe threw this big fat article about twin flames into my face and i could literally feel my heart skipping beats , it was all so instant. i instantly thought of J. And after that i could NOT get J off of my mind. He was on it EVERYDAY, literally, im not joking. I had no clue why either, i tried affirming myself these thoughts meant nothing in the universe and to keep it pushing, but i always found myself back under the realms of J. I found myself constantly seeking answers from the Divine so i started watching tarot readings specifically for twin flames, and each time i watched a different reading there was always something resonating with my life or thoughts in regards to J. i had actually started to believe this was my real twin flame. i still do but i am not sure. ughhh..
last paragraph, so i got enrolled back and school and even had a fresh start ( i had recently cut my hair into a twa style) but anywayss, when i got back into school, i instantly met eye contact with J and his face expression pretty much explained what was going on in my heart (skipping beats again lol) but even after that very moment, communication was still 0 to NONE. i tried coming back into union because i now knew what our connection could possibly be. i learned that you communicate telepathically with your twin flame and you guys are sort of going through the same thing and much, much more. and after reading lots of information on the whole twin flame concept, i started to become grounded as ever, i was making peace with myself, i regained my faith and this time its stronger than ever, i dont feel lost anymore, and as usual J was on my mind, giving me so much solitude. I had made peace with myself and eventually tried to text J. But he just wouldnt text me back. each time he did it got shorter and broader. I has little voices in my head, immensly questioning if this was all in my head or if this was actually real, was i making this up in my head? was this obsession? yeah you could say my fears and worries got the best of me… again.
i still think about him til this day but i dont know how to get pass the intense longing for his presence or how to block out our communication problems. i do love him genuinely and wouldnt mind giving him space , but i just dont understand why he wont talk to me, and if i am crazy out of my mind? is this a real twin, if he barely wont text me back and is constantly ignores me?
(if it helps any, i [i am a girl btw] was born on september 6th and he was born on october 2)April 22, 2018 at 1:02 pm #203605Michael AndrewParticipant
I’ve had a very similar experience and yet different. In my case I’m the dude, and I was the one who felt a bit like your situation except that she interacted with me more. There were periods when she’d come close and we’d have a great time and then she’d avoid me and my life was a living hell. I didn’t understand why she did this, and I didn’t understand my response. Here’s what I’ve come to learn after a year long relationship and spending 2 more years trying to understand things like you are.
Regardless of twin flame status or not, friendship and romance are still a necessity for a relationship to work. Healthy, strong, fulfilling relationships cannot exist based on a cosmic, mystic connection alone. There are certain things a man needs and certain things a woman needs. Some of these needs vary from person to person and others are just genetically encoded into most people of a certain gender. For instance, when it comes to romance, the man needs to feel like he gets to pursue her and she responds to him. For this to happen, there has to be an attraction and he has to give himself permission to follow it. She needs to not cling to him like he’s her everything. She needs to have her own path she’s following and that makes her come across as powerful and attractive. That’s attractive to a guy because while he wants to lead at times, he doesn’t want to always have to lead and he doesn’t want to be leaned on too much in everything. When she has her own path she’s following, it shows him that she’s okay on her own and would bring value to his life rather than sucking the life out of him. This also goes both ways.
Regardless of a strong connection, if he feels like you need him, he’ll want to get away. Even if you feel like you do but pretend not to, it will still send the message that you’re independent enough that you will be more likely intrigue him. That’s what is needed, intrigue.
Also, we in the Western world tend to think linearly. We tend to think that if we want something, we should move straight toward it. While sometimes this is true, other times it’s the opposite. Many times the most direct path to what we want the most is the an indirect path. That means sometimes doing the opposite of what you think you need to do in order to get what you want. Maybe that means instead of trying to be around him, don’t try and see what happens. Don’t limit yourself to him being the only guy you want to get to know, when it seems natural, have interactions with other guys even if they’re just platonic. When I guys sees that you have a social life that doesn’t have to depend on him, it’s a relief and actually makes you more attractive. I’m not talking about intentionally using jealousy; that’s manipulation. I’m just talking about giving yourself freedom to interact with everyone and not get fixated on one person.
In a situation like what you describe, it’s most important to love yourself enough. If you don’t have it already, develop the skill of being comfortable being alone, like sitting under a tree on a nice day and reading a book, or choosing an elective that you’re interested in but he might not be. When you are comfortable in your own skin, you become infinitely attractive to everyone else. This can take time. If no one has ever helped you understand who you are and what your identity is, and if it’s not already obvious to you, it’s very easy to get sucked into needing external things to be satisfied. If you find it difficult to be satisfied without external happenings, this is a really good opportunity to explore and develop that ability.
Choose yourself. If you place your happiness on whether or not someone chooses you, you disempower yourself. Every day there are moments when you will have an opportunity to choose yourself versus choosing attachment to someone else. If it feels like you have to choose attachment to someone else in order to send the message that you’re available, it will likely have the opposite effect. The more often you go down that path, the more disempowered you’ll be, the more you’ll empower his whim, the more he’ll feel like he can have you anytime and the more he’ll be prone to making other choices; also, the more you choose attachment, the more you’ll reinforce those neuropathways in your mind and life will be much more difficult. If instead you make choices every day that empower you to love you and choose yourself, you will feel less of a need for him to appreciate you, you’ll feel more light, fun and happy and that makes anyone more attractive to anyone.
In short, just remember to choose yourself first because you can’t control whether someone chooses you or not. Just because there’s a strong connection like you described, doesn’t mean he’s the one. Sometimes someone comes into your life to be a mirror and show you what needs work. The more you detach from needing anything from him, the sooner you pass that test and become a happier person and the more likely he can become what you hope he’ll become in your life versus him being a stepping stone to help you grow and then you meet someone else. But, there’s no failure in either outcome, because either way, you grow and develop and find someone who you can be not only happy with but equally importantly content and secure with.
I once heard a quote that is very fitting. “It’s better to heal a broken heart than to piece together a shattered identity.” ~marcandangel.com
If you spend too much time and energy reaching for what seems like it should be there, you’ll lose yourself in the process and on top of dealing with a broken heart, you’ll have to spend tons of time and energy relearning how to human again. That’s the place you really don’t want to be. But if you intentionally choose yourself first, you can’t lose either way.
You are a dear human being, and this is an amazing time of life to learn what is there for you to learn no matter the outcome, because it isn’t about the outcome but the journey and journey’s are simply moments strung together.
You’re a beautiful human being.