Dear Jack:

As to your first post here (tears in my eyes, again), you wrote: “I complained to you about those dreadful coworkers
and you all realised I just might be the problem instead of them.”

I did not realize at all that you were the problem, not them… Not at all. You were never the problem as far as I am concerned. There will always be people pointing to you as the problem, this is what people do: this is what people do. You take their finger and point back to themselves. And there will always be that finger pointing. Inside my own head, my own critic, using the others finger pointing to beat myself up. There is a way to change this dynamic, not to buy into this unrealistic reasoning of the abusive inner critic. Like I wrote in the other thread, there will be people pointing a finger at me as they read these very word, all through my life and after I am dead, there WILL be someone inconvenienced. This is the nature of life, nothing special to me or to you.

As to your second post: people LEAVE this forum ever since it started almost three years ago, if you look at the history by clicking pate 297 or so, you will see hundreds of usernames no longer active. So why is Pomp leaving so unusual or how can it possibly be about you? You were not on this forum when the other … 300 (just guessing on the number) OTHER members left the forum (demonstratively or quietly).

Regarding Pomp, I offered her that thread she started. If she was or ever will be willing, she can access it, there is a whole lot of healing she can do based on your and my comments on that thread I offered her to study. My experience with her posts is that she was not interested in healing, not willing to let go of her delusion of being… strong. None of it is about you, or me. The timing of her leaving, perhaps, but it was going to happen… just look at the history of the forum.

As to your third post: you are empathetic to the point of harming yourself. That is, the person who most needs you well developed empathy ability is of course, yourself. Never pathetic, not even close, not even the high strung hyena is pathetic, none and nothing about you is pathetic.

As to your last post here: I love you, Jack. I will be happy to see you back and am as willing as can be to keep you in my life outside this forum as well, see my other comments in that regard.

anita

Dear Jack:

You made my day. You are making my day! I can’t tell you how happy and pleased I am to read that you will write some long posts again- something for me to look forward to. I feel very good reading this, oh, so very, very happy!!!

anita

Dear Jack:

Did I mention I am glad you are here still? That you are back and so soon? Oh, I am glad. This is real strength and courage!

As to your question: an inner self identity being the voice of god, capital g god? Well, as all my inner selves reside in between my ears so would god be, if I believed in one. It would be an Inner Self like the others. People believe in an objective god, that is a biblical god, is what we are talking about, one that resides in heaven or out there in space… one who can read my mind and know what i feel and loves me and cares about me. According to that belief god is not an inner self but an outside entity.

It is nice to think of a god, with a capital g if you think he, with a capital h, can steer you on the right path (like a strong, reliable real life father would have done) and advise you in times of pressure (like a strong, reliable real life father would have). I can understand it.

The thing is, my experience is that god that is all powerful and oh, so loving and who has seen me as a child suffering through no fault of my own, while I prayed to god (“god, please help me, please…. please…) that god, if there was one objective reality god, all powerful, oh, so loving and having heard my prayers, my calls for help… well, after not being answered or helped for so long, I ended up taking it personally, I mean, he kind of made his choice to not help me. He could have but wouldn’t. What kind of love is that?

But I am digressing, aren’t I?

Oh, I like this thought as an answer to your god as the chairman idea, trying to reach a beneficial consensus for all- I think this is an accurate function of a god, if there was an objective reality biblical god- yes: he tries to reach a consensus of this kind, I will give my own life example: oh, anita’s mother- you want to beat up anita because you feel like it, because you need to release some tension? Okay, got it. You, anita, do not want to be beaten up because it hurts? Okay, got it. Now, let me reach a beneficial consensus, here it is: anita’s mother, you are allowed to beat up anita, but no killing her, okay? Promise? You will let her live. And you, anita: remember, your mother is stressed, she is doing her best, respect her, she is your mother. So be a good girl.

And then someone will tell me in response to why god didn’t help me: “But you lived to tell your story, you survived…”

Time for me to take my second walk today, distress myself following contemplating god.

Love it that you are back, Jack. Anytime. On your side!

anita

Dear Jack:

I enjoyed reading your post above. Even though we disagree on the god (as in biblical god who is all powerful and all merciful etc.) concept, I do not feel the need to convince you otherwise, to pull you to my way of thinking here. In my mind, I figure, if Jack sees god as a comforting mental presence, then fine, why would I be against a comforting mental presence. Regarding the abusive-to-you inner selves, well, try not to negotiate with them as in my example, that is, try not to let the ones that beat you up (mental beating) time to beat you up as compromise. That part, my description above of god the chairman, doesn’t make sense regardless of belief in an objective god.

Maybe the god in you, that loving, comforting presence can say to any self abusive inner self: put the whip down! No beating Jack! Beating Jack is not an option. You have something to say? Say it to Jack respectfully, gently, not abusively…

Hope you are having a good weekend!!!

anita