My life has been ruined by my dad. Growing up I was dad’s little girl. I got anything I wanted. But as soon as the ‘cute’ years ended he threw in the towel and started talking divorce with my mom. I still remember being 8 years old, hearing that word, I never wanted to hear it again. He stopped holding me, stopped caring for me, playing with me, he generally stopped parenting me. Now I’m 17, they never finalized the divorce, so I have lived every day since (now 9 years) without an actual dad. My mom has tried so hard to give me the love I don’t get from my dad, but it’s too late. Now he is bitter and aged and all he ever does is complain. About money, me, my mom, the house. Before hearing the word ‘divorce’ tore me apart, now I wish he had done it so long ago and saved me all this anger and anguish. I know not to end up like him, but my negative relationship with my father’s rejection has affected me so much, I am literally afraid of men. I am afraid to date men. Talk to men. I am terrified. What do I do, does anybody have advice to release my anger and fear?
(*I was raped when I was 7, so this may also have to do with my fear but I have been able to overcome that pain for the most part.)
Having said that last part, I have to say this did happen after I was raped as a child, did this make me unpure in his eyes? Is that why he stopped loving me? He is highly religious and i’m not. I just want to understand why he rejects me, I feel like I can’t move on if I don’t know.
Your dad does not see you as unpure and he still and will always love you unconditionally. I think your dad may feel incapable of helping you…he may not feel like he is a capable father because he may feel that he failed at protecting you. If you haven’t tried talking to him, do. Tell him you love him and that you need him in your life. A dad cannot deny his daughter’s love.