Hi Evelyn,

Fear is your subconscious mind’s way of keeping you safe. Your mind’s job is to scan for possible threats and sound an alert if one is detected. You’ve probably heard this “alert” referred to as the fight-or-flight response. This response prepares a person to face the perceived threat, by increasing heart rate and breathing, and causing their thinking and awareness to become very focused (but also very limited, as finding and dealing with the perceived threat is all they are able to do).

The issue is that this response spirals. When a person is in fight-or-flight, their mind goes into overdrive, scanning for more threats. Soon the person experiences what you have described–a life that is nothing but fear.

So what is the way out of this spiral? I will share with you some of the steps that I help my clients to go through:

1. Calm your physiological reaction. When you notice the spiral, the first thing you need to do is calm down. Do a breathing exercise, yoga, meditation, prayer, or even take a walk. I strongly recommend (and use) a specific breathing technique and yoga nidra.

2. Make sure your basic needs are met. Hunger, thirst, and lack of sleep are all direct threats to survival, and they will worsen the fight-or-flight response, putting your mind on high alert. Make sure you’re eating a healthy diet, and even research diets to help with anxiety. Drink lots of water, and get at least 8 hours of sleep. These things need to become non-negotiable.

3. Understand what is causing the alert. The threats your mind is detecting are based on PERCEIVED threats. It is a matter of perception. Figure out what it is that your mind thinks is the problem. Choose one fear and really look at it. For example, why are you afraid of letting anyone into your life? What are you afraid will happen? Why are you afraid of this? What is your answer based on? What evidence do you have that it should be true? And why?

4. Find and redefine the underlying assumption. Look at your answers to the questions above. What is it that your mind is assuming? Are there other possibilities? For example, if I were assuming that people will stab me in the back, and my “evidence” was that every friend I have had talked behind my back, shunned me from the group, etc…then I could look at other explanations. It is possible that I am drawn to people who are in fear, and my inability to establish boundaries led to them having these behaviors.

5. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Overcoming fear takes time. Redefining can take years, but you will notice that you are experiencing less fear each time you do it.

Bethany
http://onlinetherapyandcoaching.org