Home→Forums→Tough Times→Feel Like a Failure in School
- This topic has 8 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 10 months ago by
Matty.
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February 18, 2016 at 6:02 am #96393
Daniel C.ParticipantHello all,
So I guess this changes its validity by the definition of “failing”. I don’t have a single D or F in a class. I have a C in Chinese, AP World History, and probably in Algebra II. All my other classes I’m getting a B in. (English, Computer Science, and Chemistry) I’m really embarrassed because 1. I can never seem to get an A in any class. Every one of my friends gets at least one A in a class. 2. AP World History is my only “honors” class. I tried taking Honors Geometry back in 9th Grade, but I was not ready for it at all. I know more honors classes look better on a college application, so I really don’t want to give up my one honors course, but I might have to next year because I only have a C+ in it. 3. My GPA, compared to my peers, is pretty low. Like, between 2.8 and 3.2 kind of low. Everyone else is getting 3.5 and above. It’s so demoralizing. 4. My dad has even said that the job I wanted to pursue (mechanical engineering) might not be good for me. (To be fair, my math teacher isn’t a great teacher) So that made me feel awful. 5. My mother has, very recently, has started talking to me in this tone that makes me feel like she isn’t impressed or happy with anything that I’m doing.I guess this is what I get for choosing to go to a challenging private school.
Sorry if I’m bother any of you.
But thank you for reading at least.February 18, 2016 at 7:32 am #96396
AnonymousGuestDear Daniel C:
What your father and mother say to you, even the tone with which they talk to you matters to you a lot! You very much wish you could impress them with As and a high GPA, don’t you? It is indeed demoralizing for a child and a teenager (and often it is for people at any age) to have a parent or parents disappointed of the child, disapproving, critical… this is a source of shame and anxiety and other distress.
As you become your own person, over time, you learn, I hope, that your parents’ opinions of you are only that: their opinions and not an objective, from god, evaluation of your worth as a person.
Some people will disapprove of me at any time, disapprove of this very post I am typing to you. This will always be the case, to be disapproved of by somebody.
Only it seems so horrible when it is your parents, the most important people in your life… until you realize they are not that important and you form your own standards of evaluating your own worth and others’
anita
February 18, 2016 at 7:52 am #96398Daniel C.ParticipantI also am concerned about college. And work. I fear that my grades aren’t what they need to be to be a mechanical engineer.
February 18, 2016 at 8:06 am #96403AnonymousGuestDear Daniel C.:
Fear stops you from learning. Calm helps you. You want better grades? Calm is the way for better grades. Whatever makes you anxious works against your goal of becoming a mechanical engineer. What I suggested above, to entertain the possibility of not caring as much about your parents’ opinion of you (over time and if only just a bit less) was for the purpose of reducing your anxiety and distress.
Our functioning is better when calm, from studying, grades to any kind of thinking at all. Distress causes a kind of fog in the brain. Once calm, the fog goes away and you discover you are much smarter than you thought, able to study more efficiently and get better and better grades!
So… calm. Aim for calm..
anita
February 18, 2016 at 8:39 am #96405Daniel C.ParticipantThat tends to be hard when I have GAD. (Sorry, forgot to mention that before)
February 18, 2016 at 9:10 am #96406AnonymousGuestDear Daniel C.:
I remember you having the GAD diagnosis from a recent thread. GAD is anxiety, ongoing, excess fear.
There are ways to decrease the anxiety. GAD is not something you are born with and have to suffer from your whole life. GAD is man made collection of symptoms. Just like all the other hundreds of psychiatric diagnoses: collections of symptoms, not a determent of a root cause.
You are not forever stuck with GAD, you can reduce your own anxiety by gaining insight into yourself, into your childhood, your relationships with your parents and with applying skills such as mindfulness and correcting distorted thoughts (Cognitive Therapy).
anita
February 19, 2016 at 10:54 am #96496Daniel C.ParticipantDo you know of any good resources for Cognitive Therapy?
Thank you!February 19, 2016 at 11:00 am #96500AnonymousGuestDear Daniel C.:
There are online sources on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) it is called, if you google, wikipedia has something, i am sure. Also my first exposure and work was done before my actual therapy and was based on my reading and studying of the book “Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies”
I know.. dummies, huh? Is that a put off word in the title…? Well, it worked for me. Good examples and exercises there. Written by a British person, hence the spelling.
anita
February 20, 2016 at 4:59 am #96556
MattyParticipantHi Daniel C,
I understand you have GAD, have you considered seeing your school counselor? After all, they are more than likely going to be the authority of career paths and college. Anita is right,
you can reduce your own anxiety by gaining insight into yourself
Because your still growing, it may seem like you are against the world, but honestly, your just fighting yourself. You feel that you should be getting better grades, or impressing your family. Try impressing yourself first. Don’t think about the little details of college and grades. I know this is easier said then done. There is always more than one way to skin a cat. I failed to get into university…twice. I tried sitting the final exams again, but actually, my result was way worst. I thought that was it for me. But i found a back door. At the time i was working, and the back door had a fee, but once i paid it and completed two courses successfully, i could enter university as a ‘student’. Even if you don’t succeed the first time, just try again. Each time you will become wiser. This is what life is all about! If we aren’t challenged then we will never truly know how powerful we are.
Your wrote some things about your parents. And i understand that you feel like they aren’t being the most supportive at the moment. However they could be just looking out for you. I will be the devils advocate for a second; maybe your mother is just worried and this is her way of motivating you? It could be she wants only the best for you, but unfortunately it is coming across as more pressure. Maybe your father doesn’t want you to get disappointed if you don’t end up in your choosen degree, maybe he wants to lower your expectations so it doesn’t hurt as much? I could be completely wrong.
I guess this is what I get for choosing to go to a challenging private school.
To me, it sounds like you have accepted the challenge 😉 Actually this is very interesting to me, you chose to go somewhere where you would be challenged, somewhere where you would engage with the best, right? Give yourself some credit and a pat yourself on the back for making it this far. This says alot about your character. I want you to reflect on where you have been, where you life has taken you in this short time. Although it seems your up a creek without a paddle, it only seems that way because you are struggling to get past ALL the hurdles at once. Your grades, your parents, college and your degree. Take it one step at a time, the sum of all these parts are not greater than you.
“It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, as long as you don’t stop” Confucius
I hope this helped or gave you some suggestions, Good Luck
Matty. -
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