Dear pinksunset:

I found nothing about in your post is “petty and pointless.”

I would like to communicate with you about your post/s for a little while, back and forth. Your post requires more than one simple reply, I believe.

To start, I would like to ask you (I am very curious): regarding your question: “do I need to harden up to the ways of the world?” –

How would you be like if you were “hardened up to the ways of the world”? How would you behave if you were hardened up in regard to the friend and otherwise?

Did anyone tell you in the past to harden up to the ways of the world?

anita

I am more than a decade older than you, however I can very closely relate to the way you feel. ever since I was a child I’ve felt just slightly awkward in my skin and around people. So I gravitated at a young age to alcohol and later drugs. That makes me think your friend perhaps is drawn to you because she like you feels out of place in the world. Her relief might come via chemicals but perhaps in each other you will find a remedy, friendship, that does not include negative side effect (addiction is a legit fear because you come to rely on chems as a social lubricant). those of us with unmedicated social anxiety must occasionally place ourselves in uncomfortable situations (and for us that can mean receiving/sending texts or answering a call, which seems small unless you’ve been there!) if we want to experience the joyful. You might be what I call “old soul” with your likes and interests, but don’t worry, as you grow you will find more and more people who appreciate the things you love. one thing I did when I was close to your age was joined a group to force myself to build relationships (I was married but had no other meaningful friendships). It was hard, but I loved trail running and hiking so I joined a running club. The hardest part, I joke, is the meetup before the run, when people are mingling. It’s torture, and I run marathons now! And there I have made lasting connections with people.

Dear pinksunset:

As one who suffers from social anxiety, you do need your own space where you can relax. When you are involved in a social situation, be it on the phone or in person, you need rest and recovery time afterwards. This younger friend who texts you too much doesn’t allow you that recovery time. I think it makes sense that you un- choose her and wisely choose friends who don’t intrude on your much needed recovery alone time.

If you would like to heal your anxiety, and so to get a better feel of who you, competent psychotherapy can help. But as long as you are anxious, you have to make your life as comfortable for you as possible and avoid stressful situations and people who distress you (for whatever reason).

anita

Thank you all so much for this post, I feel like this often and am finding how I don’t feel safe in the world- I hide and isate and it’s like when I’m alone, it’s my secret little life separate from when I’m in the world.  It’s a process of awareness and letting go of this belief, shifting focus and grounding inside myself so I’m solid anywhere I take myself.

blessings,

youre re not alone!