Rebecca,

Death comes to everyone and everything. It is a law; for everything is impermanent. However, this does not mean that we should fear it. In fact, you should use it. Fear of death is one of the many things which allows us to cherish life and give meanings to our deeds. And sometimes, death should be welcomed. For example, imagine you were immortal (ageless, like an elf). This would mean you would outlive your children, and their children, your friends, your idols, people you meet, etc… Sure, you would make new bonds as you meet more people along the way, however, the cycle of outliving and losing these new friends would continue, and continue, and continue. In such a case, it would be too sad to keep on living living. Then, the idea death may begin to sound appealing, wouldn’t you think?

Another explanation is that death is simply a part of life. The African philosophy of it being part of the Circle of Life is correct. For something to live (and sustain living), something must die. This truth cannot be escaped. However, to put it into a more gentler (and more beautiful) sense, simply regard it as continuous transfer of energy from one organism to another. Once we die, our decaying bodies in the ground will feed other organisms whom will in turn feed others in an endless cycle. In this sense, you could say we indeed truly do become immortal.

For the moment, while it is perfectly fine to question many things, do also try your best to see the beauty around you. Take the time and visualize what it takes for a flower to blossom, appreciate how it feels to walk bare footed on lush grass, delight in feeling the rain, be gracious in having ease of transportation, enjoy the presence of your parents, relish in the company of your friends, etc… When you do, your feelings of what is real and what is not (“figment of my imagination”) will dissipate, leaving only what is pure and true to you. I hope this helps.

May your heart find peace.

Al

Hi Rebecca,

It sounds like you’re going through a hard time at the moment and I’m sorry to hear that.
I replied to your last post about the anxiety you’ve been experiencing and I’m happy to reiterate some of the things I said 🙂 I understand the need for reassurance when your mind seems to be doing its own thing and causing you pain.

First of all, don’t be afraid of your thoughts; they’re just a symptom of your current anxiety. You’re not going crazy!

Obsessive thoughts are very common in people with anxiety – something which someone else may think about only momentarily becomes your absolute focus. This is because anxiety forces you to think in a very narrow dimension – it stimulates your adrenal system, which produces stress hormones (adrenaline, cortisol) and puts you in a constant ‘fight or flight’ state. This means your attention is narrowly focused on a perceived threat, and escaping it dominates your mind until you find a way to make yourself safe again.

At the moment, it’s your thoughts that you perceive as a threat because they make you feel so afraid – hence your attempts to ‘escape’ them. Of course, you can’t do that because your thoughts are always with you; trying to think your way out of an emotional reaction to your thoughts doesn’t work. All that happens is your anxiety increases, because there’s no release for it which would normally be found in a successful escape from whatever threat you’re facing. Looking for that release, you refocus your attention on your obsessive thoughts – the ‘threat’ – further increasing your anxiety, and so the cycle continues.

Fear of death is felt my many people, myself included, but it’s quite possible that your current anxiety is what’s causing you to think about it nonstop. And that’s OK – there’s no need to judge yourself for it, or for any of the other unpleasant thoughts you’re experiencing at the moment.

What I think you do need to do, though, is not try to escape your thoughts. Trying not to think about something is the best way to ensure it stays in your mind! It’s also exhausting, depleting and upsetting – it seems to be causing you a lot of distress, as it did me!

I would really recommend you look into mindfulness to help you. I’m reading a book about it now (co-authored by Jon Kabat-Zinn) which details one of the main ideas of the concept: cultivating a ‘being mode’ rather than a ‘doing mode’ when you’re feeling anxious or depressed etc. I’d definitely suggest you look it up for a proper explanation! It includes the idea of accepting what it going on right now rather than trying to make things as they ‘should be’, or trying to use your thinking powers to feel different or avoid certain emotions. It also entails looking at your thoughts as passing ‘mental events’ and observing them curiously and without judgement.

It’s OK to have the thoughts you’re having; getting caught up in them it distressing, I know, but the thoughts themselves are nothing to be afraid of. The way to move beyond them isn’t to try to banish them, but turn towards them willingly – this will take away the fear. At the moment you’re most likely bracing yourself against them and are probably constantly scanning yourself for signs of anxiety. I know that feeling so well!!

Whenever I have that feeling now, which I still sometimes do, I’ve started taking slow breaths from my diaphragm (breathing from the chest also stimulates the adrenal system incidentally, so diaphragmatic breathing is good for relaxation in general!) and saying to myself ‘just be’ on the out breath a few times. It’s like a mantra in a way I suppose – it does work to bring me back to the present moment if my mind is running away with itself!

Learning a new way to relate to your anxiety is a process, so don’t be disheartened if you feel you’ve relapsed – you will make progress and find peace.

All the best for now and good luck with your exams (as Moongal said, exams are not the most important thing in the world – do your best, but don’t put more pressure on yourself than you need to!)

🙂

A

Hey BenzRabbit,

Thanks a ton for sharing! I adore Idina Menzel but this song kinda resonated with the way my life is unfolding right now. I feel a butterfly right now – struggling against her own cocoon and breaking away. My wings are strengthening with this process 🙂

I loved the song and i have a feeling i am going to hear it a lot.

Thank you!

– Moon

Rebecca,

As much as it is true that your thoughts are yours alone, you do not have to carry the burden of anxiety all by yourself. Long term anxiety is not caused by you, its an imbalance in your body. You are not going mad, millions of young adults, like myself, struggle with anxiety everyday. As much as you need to accept this, you should also know that you are the only one standing in the way of feeling much better. I am in the process of dealing with anxiety now, and I would also feel as if I was on the edge if I was trying to conquer it on my own.
The best way to overcome your anxiety is to get help from others. Therapists do work. And if they “stop working” then you are simply not seeing the right person. Depending on your individual case, some herbs or medications might help. Please don’t dismiss this. If your anxiety is affecting your life, like taking a toll on your academics as you mentioned, treatment, let it be just therapy and/or medication, is really needed. Being so close to your age, 18, getting your emotional health in check before you head off to college is a must. There is a good chance I would have dropped out by now if it wasn’t for the treatment and support system I have developed.
Please take all of what I said to heart. I have been in your shoes and I know how difficult life can be as a young adult with anxiety. If you don’t know where to begin in looking for treatment, there are services at your school (both high schools and colleges) that can help point you in the right direction. Most everyone you reach out to for help will want to try their hardest to get you on the right track; all you have to do is let them know.

Sincerely,
Celeste

Rebecca,

At some point, when we’ve had enough, we can give up our habit of being entertained by our mind. All that spinning isn’t getting you anywhere… much like a mental maze with no exit. The way out of the maze is to drop the maze. Said differently, you’re looking for ideas to set you free, but that will never happen. Instead, consider learning to let go of the thoughts. You noticed how “racing mind” interfered with your exam, perhaps it also interferes with connecting to the joy of being alive.

Why do you hate your body so much?

Consider approaching the spinning thoughts like a wild horse galloping around your head. There’s nothing to be found in there, your thoughts are not important, they just cycle around when you’re uncomfortable. If you’d like to loosen the grip the thoughts have, consider trying some metta meditation. It silences the spinning, over time and practice, which allows the mind to be peaceful, alert, concentrated. Consider searching for “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube if interested. Do this twice a day (morning and night) for two weeks, listening as close as you can, concentrating as much as you can, following along as close as you can, and it will blossom like a raft to help you out of the mental tangle you’re facing.

Remember, its not “finding some truth” that helps us become free, its “realizing we’re OK, learning, growing” and we slowly learn to be easy on ourselves, patient with ourselves as we blossom like a rose.

With warmth,
Matt