Feeling Defeated…..

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    I guess I should start in 2008 when i first got laid off. I was with the company for 8 years prior me getting the pink slip. I was happy there and I worked my ass every minute of the day. I climbed the corporate ladder and was living the life. in 2007 the company started to change direction and hired a CIO and everything started to crumble. Eventually he got me fired. I can’t lie that I took it hard, I felt as if I was kicked out of my home. It took 2 years to finally get a job. I started at this place in 2010 and I was hired for my extensive experience. Sadly, i was at the bottom of the barrel and not matter what I did, I was ignored or project was stopped i the middle for stupid reason. Again i was laid off because the owner didn’t want to pay 2 persons doing the same job….. thats fine except that the other person was demoted down to my level and i was doing his job. The only good thing that happened to me in 2010 was that I got custody of my 15 year old daughter. This is something I have been wanting since she was born. Even through my unemployment, i have been having the greatest time with her. Now that she has graduated from High School, I don’t know what is next. I have been looking for a job but I don’t want to go back knowing I’ll be in the bottom having to work my way up. I did my time and I feel like I don’t have in me to start over. With that, I feel like if I am going to start over, why not do something new…… but what is that new thing??? My savings is gone, my unemployment is running out, my kid is going to college, bill collectors of stalking me… I feel older than what I am …… defeated.

    I just don’t know where else to turn too… I really don’t have friends to talk to. And the friends I do have just aren’t any help. Anyways, anyones thoughts is appreciated. words of wisdom are always welcomed.


    Frank, you are a brave brave man for facing these things and taking it upon your self to carry it.

    Here is what I wrote in other post…

    I’m currently homeless at the moment. I’m living in my car right now waiting for school to start this fall on august. I work part time but I don’t have enough money to afford rent. I choose to eat instead. I’m currently trying to apply for another part time job but so far no bite.

    You see last year I made the decision to move out of my parents house. I decided to leave the safety and comfort of my parents house to go out here and pursue my dreams. Yes as a result, I’m currently homeless, and yes as a result I’m currently broke. But you know what? I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life. Because although my progress is very little, I know I’m going towards the right direction. Although my improvements are as little as an inch each day, I know that that inch will become a mile someday and I’m willing to go through anything, survive any trials that gets in the way. I’m laying each brick of my life one day at the time. Every morning I get up excited to lay the brick of my life as perfectly as possible because I know, and I can clearly envision it now, my layers of brick of life will someday turn into an indestructable wall of life. It will happen and I will do it.

    Every single day, is a painful rejection i go through. I’ve literary talked to over 80 employers(I’m counting) and so far no one has another part time job for me. Every time I come to work, I try very hard to hide the fact that I’m homeless, and I swallow my pride each day. It is painful yes, but the rewards in the future more than compensates for this.

    Every week my parents and siblings calls me telling me I’m crazy, that I should go back to safety before I hurt myself, that I’m being delusional. But I can taste, feel, see, smell, touch my goals and I know I will be there so no matter what is happening now, it’s just a small obstacle……

    The point is life hits very hard. Sometimes you get knock down and it feels like you can’t get back up. But that’s where its most important. That’s where you must give it everything you got to get one more time and fight. That is where the next stage of your evolution happens. It’s not easy I know but if you give up then that is worse than failing. You must find a way to turn this challenge, mold it into something that will change you to become a better you. If you get pass that, then you will be unstoppable.

    I know you can fight this Frank, and I know you have everything you need to reach a level higher than you’ve ever been. All you have to do is decide, and the next step will be clear. I wish you the best of luck!



    Hi Lester,

    Thanks for sharing your story. It truly is inspirational. It really is hard to compare myself to your situation but i do know what you are going through. I had to move back in to my parents house. I couldn’t afford my apartment any longer and had to make this decision in order to be stable for my little girl. Knowing that life moves on with or with you is definitely a lesson learned. I guess i am feeling right know like i have no decision. I know have many paths in my life but choosing the right one is the most difficult choice i’ve had to do this far. I want to be more and start something new in my life. I feel that if I make the decision to start from the bottom and work my way up is the way to go but on my terms….. Not the corporate world. I know that i have set my daughter on a great path and i have given her the tools to succeed in this life, but how can i continue to show her if i can not do it myself. I know i am ready to make the decision to move forward…. But what is foward right now???


    I understand your panic and anxiety Frank, I know how tough life can be.

    The fact of the matter is nobody knows that forward is for you, not I and currently not even you. In the end, you are the only one who can answer that. I understand there are so many fears and anxiety going on through your mind right now, many pressures and expectations to be met. Understand that we all have these challenges we go through in life, old or young, rich or poor there are these challenges out there for you to overcome.

    Now I understand you have called me on my cell phone, and in the little conversation we had I sense you are suffering from depression. I can give you a suggestion on what forward could be. Right now, the thing you should focus on is beating this depression. Focus on it for now, this is your foundation. Don’t think about anything else, this is where you must start. I agree start over from the very begining and this is where it is. For now, don’t think about the bills, don’t think about living with your parents, don’t think about other peoples perceptions, I dare say it but right now let go of the worry for your daughter. You will come back to these things as soon as you handle yourself and emotions.

    Emotions is where it starts, you first have to have a grip of who you are, what you value, and believe. Once you got that settled then you can begin to build your life one step the time. So go out there focus on understanding your emotions controlling to turn into an overwhelming passion instead, and start from there.

    My friend, you are capable of a lot more things than you think. Email me at bboyjacks@yahoo.com if you need to speak more about your situation, I’m willing to help you.


    My name is Willow, I am sixteen years old, just a kid, I don’t know much, I don’t even know which way forwards is from where I am standing, but the two of you give me faith that whatever it may be I will find a way forwards. Thank you. You are amazing.

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