Feeling Hopeless

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    (Trigger Warning)

    I do not know what to feel anymore, I feel mostly numb. Every time I start to feel happy, I realize how pointless my life is. The older I get the more I realize I cannot handle being a adult, and that is hard for me to face. I cannot even go into work without having a panic attack or having suicidal thoughts. I am terrified of being fired. The sad thing is, my work is the only things I have. I still have the horror of living with the awful monster who abused me when I was younger, and nobody still cares. I had stopped taking my Zoloft because I had just given up.


    I read that when you stop taking your Zoloft, you have the possibility of dying. And then I thought, maybe that would be better If I do just die… I really feel as though I cannot handle being a adult, and I also cannot handle the bad things life throws at me. I am already broken and beaten enough by my life. I have found a terrible fear of leaving my house even though my home is a personal hell everyday. I do not know anymore how to be happy, and I feel a constant sadness bloom over me everyday. I have started to bring a blade with me everywhere, as it is my only means to feel something. I feel like when I have the blade, I have something to help me. I honestly don’t even know  if I have any time left in me to continue…


    Dear Selena:

    I wish you didn’t feel as badly as you did and I do hope you feel better soon.

    What is the blade about, I don’t understand..?



    Selena, I’ve been in your situation before with Zoloft & Lexapro. This will pass. Please read the book “A Mind of Your Own” by Dr. Kelly Brogan. That book saved my life. So did her Vital Mind Reset program. Hang in there. Sending love.


    I meant I keep a blade from a razor with me around.

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