Dear MissLDuchess:

You mentioned yesterday, “I have NVLD, social anxiety, GAD, and depression.” I didn’t look up NVLD until this morning, so I didn’t know what it meant when I first replied to you. To my surprise, I found that it applies to me as well. I’ve always known I struggled with learning disabilities, but I never had the specific term NVLD attached to it.

What is NVLD?- Nonverbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) affects how a person processes nonverbal information—things like body language, spatial awareness, and organization. People with NVLD often have strong verbal skills but struggle with visual, spatial, and social perception.

Symptoms of NVLD- 1) Social Challenges: Trouble reading facial expressions and body language, Difficulty understanding tone, sarcasm, and indirect communication, Struggles with social cues and group dynamics, leading to misunderstandings, Feels awkward or “out of sync” in conversations.

2) Organization & Time Management: Difficulty following multi-step instructions, Struggles with planning, scheduling, and staying organized, Often loses items or forgets important details.

3) Spatial & Motor Coordination: Trouble with handwriting, tying shoelaces, or sports, Poor sense of direction, difficulty reading maps or following layouts, Clumsy—bumps into objects or misjudges distances.

4) Learning & Problem-Solving Differences: Excels in verbal reasoning but struggles with visual-spatial tasks, Difficulty understanding charts, diagrams, or geometry, Learns better through words rather than pictures or hands-on activities.

5) Emotional & Psychological Impact: Anxiety or frustration in social and academic settings, Tendency to overanalyze verbal communication to compensate for poor nonverbal skills, May feel isolated or struggle with confidence due to misunderstandings, Difficulty expressing emotions nonverbally—may seem indifferent or unresponsive even if they care deeply, Frustration when efforts to connect aren’t recognized, leading to self-doubt and withdrawal.

How NVLD Can Lead to Misunderstandings- Imagine a work meeting where the manager says, “Let’s brainstorm ideas—throw out anything that comes to mind!” Someone with NVLD—let’s say Gloria—interprets this literally, believing every idea is welcomed without judgment. She shares something unconventional, expecting discussion, but the group exchanges subtle glances—signals of disagreement or discomfort that Gloria doesn’t pick up on.

Instead of realizing the group’s reaction, she continues expanding on her idea, unaware of their hesitance. Later, she feels confused or frustrated when her input is dismissed without explanation. Because NVLD makes it harder to detect indirect feedback, she misinterprets their responses, leading to further social isolation in future interactions.

The Good News: NVLD Skills Can Improve- Many people with NVLD learn and grow significantly through support, awareness, and tailored strategies such as: * Facial Expression Awareness – Using videos or images to recognize emotions, * Tone & Context Training – Learning different voice tones (sarcasm, frustration, enthusiasm), * Pattern Recognition – Observing group dynamics (turn-taking, pauses, gestures), * Practicing Social Cues – Using role-playing or guided interactions to strengthen social understanding.

Without knowing the term, I’ve already been improving my NVLD in recent years, and I continue to grow. If only I had received support earlier, I could have avoided many misinterpretations and the resulting social isolation.

Relevant Research on NVLD & Brain Development-

From Medical News Today: “NVLD is relatively rare, comprising 1.7% of all learning disabilities… Risk factors may include maternal drinking/smoking, illness during pregnancy, prolonged labor, premature birth, low birth weight, and serious infections.”

From Psychology Today: “The brain undergoes significant development during childhood, and trauma can impact this development. While trauma can alter brain structure, neuroplasticity allows the brain to adapt and heal. Therapy, mindfulness, and supportive relationships can help rewire neural pathways, improving emotional regulation and cognitive function over time.”

I’d love to hear your thoughts—does any of this resonate with you?

anita

Dear MissLDuchess:

Good to read back from you! I will reply further tomorrow morning, in about 17 hours from now. Please feel free to add anything you want to add before I return to your thread.

Anita

Dear MissLDutchess:

I read your new posts in your other thread and don’t want to interrupt any conversation you might be having with another member there. However, I wanted to say that I truly understand how difficult that experience with your roommate must have been—I know I would have struggled in your place as well. The constant noise, lack of consideration, and disruption to your rest and sleep sound incredibly frustrating.

I can imagine that the situation, combined with the lack of support from the RA, may have brought back memories of being bullied in middle school, where school staff failed to step in. It’s painful when those early experiences of not receiving adequate support from adults seem to repeat in different contexts.

If venting is helping you, please feel free to continue. And if anything I’ve shared so far has been helpful—or if there’s another way I can support you—just let me know.

anita

Dear MissLDuchess:

You are welcome. I hear you completely. The weight of past experiences, the “what ifs,” and the uncertainty around trust—they all make so much sense given what you’ve been through.

It’s understandable to look back and wonder how things could have been different. You navigated so much on your own, carried burdens that weren’t fair, and still, here you are—reflecting, processing, and wanting meaningful connections despite everything.

I want you to know that your feelings are valid—every doubt, every fear, every wish for something better. And the fact that you still want love, connection, and purpose, despite the hurt you’ve endured, says so much about your heart.

I’m here, and I respect your trust. No pressure, no expectations—just a space where you can express yourself freely. 💙

anita

Dear MissLDuchess:

I see something we share—a deep longing for self-expression born from years of suppression. Like you, I spent much of my early life in survival mode, unable to fully explore who I was.

At your age, I carried many of the same feelings—hurt, resentment, and struggles with self-worth, all rooted in rejection, exclusion, and social isolation. I felt like I was never “good enough” to be included. Like you, I dreamed of being seen, heard, and recognized, imagining myself on stage with thousands cheering me on (and millions watching me on TV all over the world 😳)—transforming from a “nobody” locally, into a “somebody” internationally.

I was chronically single and lonely. The pattern in my life mirrored yours—longing for connection, fearing rejection, and withdrawing instead of taking risks.

I resented the way people treated me, yet I feared confrontation and avoided setting boundaries. My anger built up internally, making it difficult to endure. What I didn’t realize at the time was that suppressed emotions don’t disappear—they manifest in ways we don’t always see. I may have tried to be kind, but hesitation, guardedness, and underlying resentment shaped my interactions. Even unspoken anger creates tension, altering the way people perceive us, even when no words are spoken.

Looking back, I realize that I encountered people like your roommate—those who were inconsiderate and unkind, even cruel, people who saw my vulnerability and took advantage of it. The frustration, hurt, and betrayal left lasting scars.

But as I reflect deeper, I see that not everyone who disappointed me was truly bad. Some were genuinely good people, but flawed—human. In moments of pain, I judged them harshly, seeing their imperfections as defining faults instead of limitations.

I expected people to always show up perfectly, always understand, always support me in exactly the way I needed. And when they failed to be perfect—I assumed they were just another source of hurt. I expected the worst, and any imperfection felt like proof that they were bad people.

I learned that people noticed my anger (as suppressed as it usually was), they noticed my distrust and suspicion and responded by withdrawing from me, and sometimes getting angry at me in return, which reinforced my distrust and suspicion (a self-fulfilling prophecy)

I’ve come to realize that there’s a difference between those who intentionally cause harm and those who simply aren’t capable of meeting us where we need them. Holding onto this distinction has helped me navigate forgiveness (a recent development in my life, still working on it) —not to excuse the actions of those who truly hurt me, but to release the weight of resentment toward those who were imperfect yet well-meaning.

Reading your words, MissLDuchess, I see someone who has carried so much inside for so long—your dreams, your voice, your frustration, your anger. For years, you’ve held back your creativity out of fear, just as you’ve held back expressing your emotions. In a way, your suppression of music mirrors the suppression of your anger—both silenced to avoid discomfort, both waiting for permission to exist fully.

Maybe this audition isn’t just about singing—maybe it’s about allowing yourself to take up space, to be heard, to express what’s been locked away for so long. Whether it’s standing on stage or finally speaking your truth, you deserve to be seen and understood.

No matter the outcome, stepping forward would be a victory. What would it feel like to approach your emotions the same way—with the confidence that you deserve to express them?

anita

Dear MissLDuchess:

Your words carry strength and self-awareness. The fact that you’re stepping forward—not just into the possibility of music, but into a life where fear of rejection no longer defines your choices—is already a victory.

Letting go of what others think doesn’t mean withdrawing—it means creating space for the right people and opportunities, the ones that truly align with who you are. And blooming isn’t about forcing yourself to thrive in the wrong soil—it’s about finding the environment where you naturally belong.

No matter the outcome of the audition, the act of trying—of embracing uncertainty—is already a testament to your courage. You’re stepping into a version of yourself that is no longer ruled by fear, and that kind of growth will continue to open doors you never imagined.

I’m excited to see where this journey leads you! 💙

anita