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Feeling lost

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 4 weeks ago.

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  • #146759

    Aart
    Participant

    I’m not sure how to exactly start. I’m 33 year old woman , software professional, earning sufficient, unmarried or not in any kind of relationship. I graduated around 12 years back and have completed 10+ years in my organization. I enjoyed working here when was assigned to good and challenging projects. off course this was not the case through out my work tenure, there were times when i was assigned to some not so good projects and was bored working on those. I’m currently on bench – term in IT- with no projects or work assigned and just attending few trainings and studying randomly. This empty time is building a feeling in me that my IT career is about to end. (I was being competent till this time, if rated on scale of 5 – 4 rater for max of the time). Trends in IT are changing, technologies changes. Though i’m attending different training i’m not able to focus on it the random thoughts like will this study be useful keeps me distracting from it.

    I have many more things to get distracted too anyway. Being Indian girl, unmarried till the age of 33 is just not acceptable in society and off course not much in family too. Struggling on that front too. I had no intentions of being unmarried till this age infact as per the Indian norms my parents keeps suggesting many matrimonial proposals. But nothing worked out till date, which ultimately affected my relationships with my parents. It’s little strained. I could never confidently go ahead with any person in spite of knowing that the proposal suggested is good.

    I have few fiends who are always ready to help me out to open up or to solve my issues, but I can’t share anything with them freely. Feeling of unnecessarily bothering them keeps me away from sharing. I have become conscious about not sounding negative.

    Living a monotonous life since last 10 + years, have no changes, can not dare to take a trip to my dream destinations too.

    Many issues not to sure how to fix those, want some sorted, good and positive change.

    #146807

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Aart:

    “Living a monotonous life” for more than 10 years, “on the bench” at work, unmarried at 33 in Indian society, strained relationship with parents.

    Question, if I may: why don’t you “dare to take a trip to (your) dream destinations”?

    You wrote: “I have become conscious about not sounding negative”- another question: what caused you to try to not sound negative?

    Here, you are allowed to sound negative, so please do share that negativity.

    anita

    #146927

    Aart
    Participant

    It’s the fear of unknown , fear of being alone all over the way keeps me away from taking a trip. Though I’m introvert person by nature I  don’t want to be alone. I don’t have friends who can accompany me on this. My parent or siblings are busy with their own schedule. And moreover they think I have many other things to fix before taking any leisure vacation. I know things like career, marriage, finances are important and need to be fixed but not sure how to and where to start with.

    Yeah I try to not sound negative because I have heard comments from the people around me in past that i don’t sound positive and I have hardly talked good about anything. I have a fear of loosing people because of this negativity. Why I should bother others who are not very close to me because of my issues my thoughts.

     

     

    #146941

    VJ
    Participant

    Hi Aart,

    Reading your first paragraph itself made me think that you may be from India, especially when I read the word “bench”  🙂 . I am an IT professional from India too. I have also been on bench a couple of times. So that I could try to suggest something can you tell what are your IT skillsets and in which city are you looking for a job and a soulmate? Also, are you looking for in a specific caste?

    ~VJ

    • This reply was modified 4 weeks ago by  VJ.
    #146957

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Aart:

    You wrote: “Why I should bother others who are not very close to me because of my issues my thoughts”?

    Because I want to know, so to suggest something that might be helpful for you to feel less lost (title of your thread):

    Please share more about your issues and your thoughts. You wrote that you don’t want to be alone. How long have you felt alone- were you a lonely child? You mentioned a parent; what happened to the other parent? What is your relationship with that parent now and how has it been?

    anita

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