I was dating this man whom I fell for 6 months. Over the last month and a half I started to notice him shifting to place of uncertainty and nervousness. This had a lot to do with a new job transition and it was a big promotion which would mean he will travel more and it was a lot more demanding and very different from his last role. He doesn’t handle stress very well so he began to compartmentalize me while he adjusted to this new role.

When I let this go on for a bit, I finally grew sick of it so I addressed it. I told him I need more from him in order to feel loved, safe and appreciated. This lead to one of the worst talks of my life and resulted in us ending the relationship. He began to tell me his last relationships held him back significantly career wise and he can’t let this happen again so he isn’t ready for this kind of commitment that I wanted. So I told him I would have to break things off and keep away from him for a while because I need to take care of myself and find what I’m looking for.

It took about a month to finally being able to speak with him and he was very upset when I was away because he still wants me in his life. He claims he’s a point where he know a relationship or dating anyone would mean he has to sacrifice and has not willing to do that since he’d been held back career wise by so many other women in his life. I told him I could not handle any bs reasons like “its not you it’s me” from him because of all people id hope he’d be honest and just tell me he doesn’t feel im the right person and find out he’s dating someone moths down the line. I needed to know the truth, If he had doubts about me specifically or he really cant be in a relationship. And I can take it, please just tell me the truth.

He swore up and down he’s messed up and has issues due to his past rocky marriage and other exes who never supported him. He claims he know im supportive and the perfect woman but he’s not ready to be responsible for another and needs to do this for him (foucus primarily on the career. This was about 3 weeks ago. Since then we have met up as friends, gone to dinner, as friends and watched our favorite TV show as friends and its been ok I suppose but I just recently found out he has been spending a significant amount of time with another woman whom he claims to be “just a find”.

The logical side of me knows to not take this personally but I can’t help but think he was lying to me. Apparently this friend has been around a while and I do remember him mentioning her when we were together and would occasionally met up with her and he kids to catch up. He said she reminded him of his mom and has a great deal of respect for her (bc his mom was a single mom) so he befriended her. I never though anything of it and he mentioned when we met that he would not date anyone with kids. The photos I saw on social media were piercing and made me feel 2 in tall. They looked romantic and I am even more heartbroken than I was a month ago. I don’t know what to do or if im just overeating because im still torn up about the breakup and im suffering feelings of rejection and betrayal.

Please help me understand.